Revealed last week were tentative plans for a guest appearance by Peter Schmeichel on Ian Wright's ITV chat show, where the pair will duet on Ebony and Ivory, the song that set race relations back half a century. "It would be good for him," said Wrightie, who's spent much of his career trying to end Schmeichel's, and vice versa. "If they saw him in that kind of light he'd get more respect," he said of the red-nosed one. We kinda doubt it Wrightie, but we were relieved to hear that if Schmeichel does appear he will play piano and not his saxophone (picture the scene: Just as Big Peter appears to have everything under control and he's ready to launch into his solo, the sax would slip, inexplicably, out of his hands, under his legs and off the stage, at which point he would turn around and scream "it's YOUR fault" at the drummer. It's very hard to drop a piano.)