Geoffrey Boycott's lawyer Richard Knaggs has a novel way of seeing things. Boycott, the former England cricketer, globally renowned for unfailing arrogance, was given a three-month suspended prison sentence and fined £5,300 after being found guilty by a French court of assaulting Margaret Moore, his former girlfriend, two years ago.

Knaggs immediately filed an appeal maintaining that the conviction was "beyond belief". The prestidigitatory legal eagle then attempted to make the French judges' decision vanish.

"We have made an immediate appeal. The conviction goes away. He is not guilty of anything. We always knew it was going to be difficult with the French legal system," announced Knaggs. And so the case drags on.

Boycott simply failed to convince the French judge that Ms Moore's two black eyes and swollen right temple were nothing more than the result of an accidental trip on the veranda. Still in denial, the gruff Yorkshire legend continues to refuse to admit that he gave the lass a bit o' what for, which, no doubt, s he loved really.