Lounge suit invasion at Ascot

On Questions and Answers last Monday night, panellist Roisin McDermott exhibited an applaudable disinterest in sports, preferring…

On Questions and Answers last Monday night, panellist Roisin McDermott exhibited an applaudable disinterest in sports, preferring, as she does, to while away her time helping other people. The current affairs think tank went off on a dizzying sporting tangent last week, coasting from Rule 21 to Stan Collymore to the £20m budget allocation for the GAA.

While the panel was unanimous in its feelings about the retention of the security forces ban - "sad", "regressive" and "a missed opportunity" were among the opinions - they were possibly more animated about the GAA benefiting in the budget.

When Roisin McDermott was lamenting the £20,000 given to the GAA, she was quickly reminded that the figure was, in fact, £20million. She calmly pointed out that because she worked for a women's voluntary group, she had never dealt in government funding which exceeded five figures.

While John Bowman happily steered this politically related debate along, he became a little ashen when the talk turned to the Stan Collymore business over in France. Admitting that she was only vaguely aware the World Cup was even on, Roisin suggested that a sustained chorus of boos from the terraces next season might soften Stan's cough.

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Someone opined that for Collymore, that would simply be water off a duck's back. It was said that he should be prevented from playing for Villa for the foreseeable future but given he played for about all of half an hour last season, that, too, could only be deemed a dubious punishment.

Eventually, one of the panel raised a statistical query in relation to Stan and all eyes turned to the host. "Are you asking me that?," John Bowman gasped incredulously, already searching the audience for a new topic.

Maybe a week at Ascot might help Stan Collymore get his sense of perspective back in order. They would, assuredly, put manners on him there. Rain and the Royals featured at Ascot early in the week. Prince Charles, his Ma, Da and the granny arrived at the famous meeting just as the weather turned and were dragged down the course in an open carriage, looking faintly ridiculous.

The Queen Mother managed to invent another garish hue for the occasion and wore a hat which could only have been dreamt up by Picasso. The preponderance of raised umbrellas afforded viewers a fairly reliable guide to the weather but Linda from the BBC invited us to witness the phenomenon for ourselves.

"You can just about see the drops of rain on the Prince's jacket", it was revealed, and sure enough, if you peered hard enough, it was possible to gauge a slight dampness on the regal overcoat. It made for riveting, if sobering, television.

The Beeb also invited John Morgan in for a chat. John is, apparently, the "Head of Manners" for somewhere - possibly all of England. He made it known that Ascot tradition was being somewhat undermined by younger men, who were, unbelievably, opting for lounge suits as attire. "Technically, gentlemen should be in stiff necks", he explained before offering a heartfelt hope that the slovenly lounge suit crack wouldn't catch on.

It is an important issue and one which is perhaps due a reassuring statement from Tony Blair. Clothes are of course, an important part of Ascot. Back in studio, a guest of Linda's was recalling her mother's time at Ascot. "She would never wear her skirt before she arrived here but would drive to Ascot in her slip and change in the car park", she reminisced. "Very sensible, your mother", approved Linda. Sensible would be one way of describing her.

Name the year. Mick Loftus became president of the GAA, Luke Kelly died, Moss Keane retired and John McEnroe won an allAmerican Wimbledon final. Network 2 took us back to 1984 and showed us when tennis was great. As a contest, the final was a bit of a non-starter; Jimmy Connors was simply overcome by the sheer brilliance of McEnroe.

In previous years, the Wimbledon folk probably felt like hiring some of the "Manners" people to have a chat with McEnroe, but for this final he maintained a steely silence and played breath-taking tennis. "Probably the best tennis I've ever seen", murmured Jim Sherwin. And it was, full of variety, mixing both subtlety and power and stunning invention. Even McEnroe's aces seemed based upon precision and skill more than power.

It was apparent from watching it that there were more good shots played in the half-hour highlights than will be on show for the whole of this year's tournament. After 49 minutes, McEnroe was up 6-1, 6-1 and things didn't get much better for the beleagured Connors, who conceded the third set 6-2. It was sunny, the centre court was scuffed and parched and the Boss was singing, "they pass you by, glory days".

Sure do. But at least Jim Sherwin is still with us. During Saturday's Test match against South Africa, he could be found, at one stage, warming up for this year's Wimbledon, commenting that in the battle of the scrum halves, Joost van der Westhuizen was "30 love" up on Conor McGuinness. And in fairness, the bould Joost was having a stormer, personifying the Springboks' central asset of power, speed and dexterity.

Oh, and a willingness to put the boot in. The final Test was an ill-tempered affair and RTE, in any case, were fairly certain that the home-team were the instigators. John Robbie and Jim professed astonishment that Irish captain Paddy Johns should be seen mixing it off the ball.

So reserved did they depict Paddy as being that you might have believed he had only just completed a ten week course with the boys in the Head of Manners department and would be heading for Lough Derg as soon as the tour was over.

Keith Duggan

Keith Duggan

Keith Duggan is Washington Correspondent of The Irish Times