The imitation of an angry young man was a pretty good one, although all of the discontent was directed at himself.
A few weeks ago, Darren Clarke would have given his eye-teeth to sign for a competitive round of 68. But a lot has changed in the intervening weeks and yesterday, in a sign of his renewed and heightened expectations, he felt "totally frustrated and irritated" after shooting such a sub-par score in the first round of the English Open at Hanbury Manor in Hertfordshire.
Indeed, Clarke was in no mood to hang around. Snatching a wedge and a putter from his bag (no bonus points for working out the perceived weakness in his game), the Irishman ignored the pull of the practice ground, headed straight for his BMW and off round the M25 to his Sunningdale home. Such frustration was caused by a round that contained 32 putts and he, more than anyone, knew that the end product should have been so much better.
And yet, despite his self-criticism, Clarke finished the day just four shots off a pace jointly set by rookie Australian Geoff Ogilvy - who claims to trace his ancestry back to Robert the Bruce but who uses the modern technology of email to conduct sessions with his coach in Melbourne - and England's John Bickerton, both of whom availed of the rather tame scoring conditions, especially for the early starters, to shoot opening rounds of eight-under-par 64.
Out later in the day, when heavy rain caused a number of greens to flood, Sweden's Mathias Gronberg came closest to challenging them. Gronberg shot a round of 66, while Colin Montgomerie, seeking his third win in four weeks, ground his way to a 70.
Of the quintet of Irish players, though, Clarke and John McHenry, badly in need of a good pay-day to boost his prospects of retaining his card, were the only ones to break par. Des Smyth and Eamonn Darcy had level-par 72s, while Philip Walton struggled to a 76. McHenry showed great resolve in the worst of the weather to overcome an early bogey to grind out 15 pars and two birdies in a 71 - but Clarke, even with a 68, was the more self-critical.
"I'm just so annoyed," said Clarke, "that I could leave so many shots out on the course. How could I take so many shots?"
His golf from tee to green (with one notable exception) was exemplary, quite majestic at times, but the failure to convert chance after chance took its toll and left Clarke, who had been in good spirits for much of the round, as he joked and relaxed with Sam Torrance, dissatisfied with his day's work.
Torrance, unconsciously, probably contributed to Clarke's post-round demeanour. Invariably well behind Clarke off the tee, the Scot - who had been three over par after four holes - finished birdie-birdie-eagle to come home in 30 strokes and sign for a 67. It was almost as if Slammin' Sam was deliberately highlighting the fickleness, and cruelty, of golf.
Torrance should know all about that: he has made just two of nine cuts so far this season and intends to keep on playing over the coming months in an effort to make up for lost time.
In fact, at the 347 yards first hole, which was their 10th, Clarke actually drove the green - but three-putted after leaving his eagle putt eight feet short. In contrast, Torrance, who'd got a lucky bounce into a front bunker, got up and down for birdie, and the other member of the threeball, Retief Goosen, manufactured a birdie from a horrendous position off the back after his tee shot had hit a sprinkler head and bounded over the green.
However, Clarke's real frustration surfaced at the seventh, his 16th. After missing a number of birdie chances on the preceding holes, Clarke failed to find the green with his approach (for the only time in his round) and, then, bladed his recovery chip for the only bogey on his card.
For Clarke, a birdie at the last was mere token consolation - and the suspicion is that the putter that was locked into the boot of his BMW at the conclusion of play got plenty of practice on the carpet at home last night.
