TV View:Forever more when we think of Martin Clarke we'll picture him pottering about Melbourne with an Aussie Rules ball in his hands, even when he's shopping in his local supermarket, or maybe even when he's at the cinema, soloing down the aisle to his seat, while balancing a giant bucket of popcorn on his head.
Actually, the latter isn't too far-fetched an image, based on the Ronaldinho-style juggling display the Down teenager treated us to on BBC Northern Ireland's Season Ticket last week. What's it they say? There's magic in them there feet, whatever the footballing code.
"I've a lot of catching up to do with the skills of the game, so bringing the ball everywhere means I'm getting a feel for it," he said, explaining that his coaches at Collingwood had advised him to take the ball wherever he went, just so it wouldn't be a stranger to him when he hit the field.
Considering he'd never laid hands on the oval ball before being given a one-month trial at Collingwood last year, there was, indeed, a lot of catching up to do. But by the end of Season Ticket you got the impression he was getting there.
"Every time he grabs the ball the crowd goes up, they think something special's going to come with Marty, and it usually does," said one Collingwood fan. "Aaaw, we're rapt in the young fella," said another, as only an Australian could.
Before he set off for Australia most of us knew Clarke only from his role in the Down minors' 2005 All-Ireland triumph and those BBC Northern Ireland sports round-ups at the weekend, when, invariably, he made Roy of the Rovers look like a lower-division journeyman.
"Clarke is clinical, Clarke is clever, Clarke is capable of ANYTHING," howled the commentator on a clip from the 2006 McRory Cup final, when Clarke led his school, St Louis, to their second successive win in the competition.
How Down GAA folk must have pined for the day the young fella would move up to senior level, but then Derek Hine, the Collingwood recruiting manager, in Ireland for the Australian under-17 International Rules series, happened to spot him playing in the McRory Cup final in Casement Park and that was that. After Hine's quick chat with his parents, Clarke, just 18, was Australia-bound.
He was offered a two-year professional contract after his trial and when Season Ticket first caught up with him, in October of last year, he was hopeful that, after an apprenticeship with the reserves, "maybe three years from now I'd be looking to get a game for Collingwood".
After a pre-season friendly, only his second game for the club, he began to wonder.
"I just thought, this is terrible here, I can't even kick the ball, what am I doing? I was thinking about Croke Park and Clones and all these grounds I could be playing in if I was on the Down team," he said.
The opposition wished him a safe trip home, confident in the assumption he was so out of his depth in Aussie Rules his drowning was imminent. But he remained afloat. And then was "elevated off the rookie list to the senior list". He made his "senior" debut, in February of this year, in a pre-season game with Sydney Swans, and his competitive debut against the same opposition in June, in front of 64,000 at Sydney's Telstra Stadium.
The Commentator: "Aaaaw, Maaaaaarty Clarke, he looks a natural kicker of the ball . . . what a beautiful delivery . . . Clarke getting bigger as this game wears on . . . his acclimatisation rate is extraordinary . . . it has been a distinguished debut . . . I reckon he's the story of the night."
His second game, against Hawthorn, had the commentator purring once more.
"On the back of the performance of this young man I reckon Qantas are going to sell a million air tickets to Ireland to recruiting officers," he said.
"If he's not the biggest story in football this year, or the grandest story . . . it's just one of those freak things that a kid this time last year was playing with a round ball in a different sport in a different country, it's just outstanding to think he fits comfortably inside one of the top four sides in Australia," said Collingwood coach Mick Malthouse.
For Clarke the triumph of his breakthrough simply meant that "I'm just another player, not just a novelty from Ireland", his "inspiration" coming from what he had scrawled on his forearm before every game: "NI for Northern Ireland or HM for home".
And he made it back home to help his club, An Ríocht, win the Down championship. "There's nothing like representing your own club that built you up from no age," he said.
"Och, I'll just go out and say it, this means more to me than being over in Australia at the minute. This is my club and family, playing with John (his brother) and all the boys I grew up with and had the craic with through the years; it means so much.
"It's been a quick oul year, hasn't it?" he said to his mother, Eileen. "It has," she said.
She watches all his games from Australia on television.
"I can't give you a wee kiss before you go out now," she said. He blushed. "I have to text them now," she said. He blushed.
A gem of a programme, and a gem of a young fella. It's a brutal old game. Who knows how it'll work out for him? But what a lovely adventure! Australia's gain, our loss.
