The feud between Robbie Savage and John Toshack took a curvy yellowy twist last week, so much so it can now be labelled Bananagate. When the player accused the Welsh manager of being hopelessly old-fashioned he said: "We had fried bananas to start the meals, which nobody's ever heard of. There were NO carbohydrates. He's living in the dark ages with his food and his training methods."
Savage banana theory just tosh
Football 365 did a quick check and confirmed that the banana has, in fact, a high carbohydrate content, but we went further by visiting the online home of the banana. Under the heading 'Food of Champions' it told us that "the banana provides energy primarily in the form of carbohydrate . . . indeed, compared with other fruit the banana has two to three times the level of carbohydrates and around 50 per cent more than grapes."
Toshack once accused Savage of running around the pitch like a headless chicken. If Savage wondered where he got the energy to play in this manner, now he knows: it's the bananas Robbie, it's the bananas.
Duff hits bunion ... onion bag
A big, big hello to Richie O'Neill from Auckland. Richie read our story last week about ESPN commentator Tommy Smyth's slip-up during the Chelsea v Barcelona game - "Damien Duff, the man from Bally . . . bunion" - but reassured us, by email, that later in the game Tommy got it right: "And the Ballyboden flash hits the auld onion bag". We'd hazard a guess that Richie spent much of the game translating Tommy's comments for his New Zealand pals.
Quotes of the week
"Sunderland are breathing down the shorts of Wigan."
- Mark Bright, on BBC Radio 5, accusing Mick McCarthy's men of lewd behaviour.
"I couldn't see how the Welsh set-up had gone from a professional one under Mark Hughes to a shambles under John Toshack. Mark crossed every I and dotted every T."
- Robbie Savage, accusing Toshack of dotting his i's and crossing his t's.
"Hopefully we can bring some silverware to the club, and if we do, then that will be a nice little rainbow at the end of a dark tunnel for us."
- Terry McDermott, hoping Newcastle can mangle a few metaphors this season.
"We can still do a double. We want the season to go to the final whistle."
- Phil Neville cracks a joke.
"I like Manchester. I know most of their players and like them and would like to play one day in the Premier League . . . I like Old Trafford because it's one of the nicest stadiums in Europe and, foremost, I like the coach (Alex Ferguson) very well."
- Is it just us or does it seem Lyon midfielder Mickael Essien would very much like to join Manchester United? Warne warned
You know Shane Warne, the party-animal-wild-boy of Australian cricket? Well, he was looking to buy a home in Hampshire and after becoming good buddies with Matt Le Tissier agreed on a £450,000 deal to buy the former Southampton legend's townhouse.
We've a bit of a feeling, though, that he bought it without checking it out. "Most of the people around here are quite elderly and that's led to quite a strict and conservative policy," says neighbour Terrie Leake. "Children are basically not allowed into the garden area and pets are discouraged. You wouldn't believe the list of rules we have to obey." Wait 'til they hear AC/DC blasting through Warne's windows at four in the morning.
More quotes of the week
"Sometimes I ask: Do I still have the energy? But then I look to my side and see businessmen in their 80s. I am willing to stay on."
- Alex Ferguson (63), planning on at least another 17 years at Old Trafford.
"I wasn't jumping up and down, but I think she was bemused that I had to consult what appeared to be my knee."
- British foreign secretary Jack Straw on his American counterpart Condoleezza Rice's puzzled response to him reading text messages with updates on a Blackburn Rovers game.
"It was not a nice feeling being booed by 50,000 Geordies and I wanted to cry."
- Portsmouth's Lomana Lua Lua reflecting on his fun time at Newcastle.
"I sometimes feel like I'm the last idiot in football telling people about fair play."
- UEFA referees' chief Volker Roth, the man who called Jose Mourinho an "enemy of football".
"It is about minor things. Like when you get a fuel pass with your company."
- Martin Jol explaining the delay in his new contract talks with Spurs: they're haggling over petrol money.
Referee hits back at critic
In his war with Jose Mourinho, now-retired Swedish referee Anders Frisk might have been tempted to take a leaf out of Luiz Carlos Silva's book. The Brazilian referee found himself at the centre of a rather rowdy derby between America and Atletico Miniero, in which he dished out nine yellow and three red cards. One fan had enough of Silva's performance so ran on to the pitch to, eh, have a chat. Did Silva leg it? Did he heck. He took on the fan, punching him several times. All of which led to a mini-riot. Why did he do it? "I had to defend myself and I did it by going on to the attack," he said. "If I had run away, it would have looked bad. I was not prepared to suffer this embarrassment with my children watching. Everything I did, I did conscientiously and I would do it again." The referee, literally, strikes back.
Hughes barred behind bars
When former West Brom striker Lee Hughes was jailed for six years last year, for causing death by dangerous driving, his incarceration was, at least, good news for Featherstone Prison whose team suddenly had itself a Premiership signing. For free.
Predictably Hughes proved to be something of a success for Featherstone in the Staffordshire County League . . . until: he was sent off against Fegg Hayes, with his victim having to go to hospital to get stitches in his chin. Result? Hughes is banned for the rest of the season.
Goals apart
Team of the Week: No contest, Flamengo. In the space of 47 minutes they managed to score goals on either side of the equator, which, in our book, is no mean feat. How'd they manage it? Their Copa Brasil match, against Ypiranga, took place in the Amazonian city of Macapa, where the stadium's halfway line runs along the equator.
