Quotes of the 2004 - 2005 football season.

Best of the Season - Part 1

Pure genius

"If Bill Shankly was alive today he'd be turning in his grave." - Harry, a caller to a BBC radio phone-in, on Liverpool's early season woes.

"Lee Hendrie is Lee Hendrie and always will be." - David O'Leary.

"Ian Dowie knows that any points dropped at home are points dropped."

- Jason Cundy, resident expert on Talksport.

"Yes, he has got his faults because he opens his mouth before he speaks - always has done, always will." - Former Scottish international Robert Fleck on Craig Bellamy.

Hats off to Chelsea

"Tell you what, if he was a lollipop he'd be sucking himself." - Rodney Marsh on Jose Mourinho.

"My friends who have seen Chelsea this season say it is sometimes painful to watch." - Claudio Ranieri, Jose's predecessor.

"You have to celebrate the triumph of football over an indigestible and paranoid iron curtain vision of the game." - Spanish columnist Julian Ruiz after Barcelona beat Chelsea in the first leg of their Champions League tie.

"It is impossible to match Chelsea's spending power unless we find some oil at Arsenal. I don't know why people are so surprised by Chelsea's position. They were second last year, then signed 11 players. "

- Arsene Wenger.

"You talk about Chelsea and, yes, they've got all this kind of money and people want to win medals - but is it winning medals if it is money-orientated?"

- Phil Thompson (ex-Liverpool). The answer? Eh, yeah.

Gee, thanks - Part I

"I haven't earned the money he has because I haven't smiled for as many cameras or encouraged as much interest in my life." - Michael Owen on David Beckham.

"This man - what's his name? - the number 10, the small one who doesn't play in the Real Madrid first team, who sits on the bench every week . . . I don't want to discuss this midget any more." - Azerbaijan supremo Carlos Alberto, searching for Michael Owen's name.

"He's a beer-burger-brothel-bomber - and he likes to shoot in the dark. Ferguson says he doesn't really have to train Rooney as it all comes natural for him. Why? Rooney's motto is: brain out, ball in." - German paper Das Bild's unique tribute to young Wayne.

"He was one of the biggest p***ks I have ever had the misfortune to come across." - Stan Collymore on his former Aston Villa manager John Gregory. We suspect the feeling might have been mutual.

"When Pele's quiet he's a poet, but he just talks shit. On the field he was the greatest player in history, he was our king, but he should put a shoe in his mouth."

- Romario on his admiration for Pele.

Sacked but not forgotten

"The only way I can spend is to buy." - Kevin Keegan.

"If I'd said 'frog' I wouldn't have had half the flak."

- Ron Atkinson.

"They could put a parking meter next to Alan Hansen and I'd find it more interesting watching it click round."

- Rodney Marsh.

"Even Manchester United can't buy Wayne Rooney. The most famous club in the country can't buy Rooney. We've made a £20 million cash offer for him - they can't make that offer." - Bobby Robson, two days before Manchester United bought Wayne Rooney.

Feet in mouth and U-turns

"We want to finish as high as possible in the Premiership - and I believe it should be top spot. If we don't finish top then we want a Champions League place." - Southampton chairman Rupert Lowe speaking back in August. Ooops.

"Jonathan Woodgate is not going to Arsenal or anywhere else for that matter. He will only leave St James' Park over my dead body." - Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd just before Woodgate left for Madrid.

"Eidur Gudjohnsen has been busy assuring us that Arjen Robben won't be missed. I tell you what, Eidur, you score tomorrow - and remember you haven't since December - and I'll believe you . . . it petrifies me that Chelsea's hopes rest on the marksmanship of this erratic nitwit." - Former Tory MP David Mellor before Chelsea played Everton. Yep, Gudjohnsen scored the winner.

Spanish columnist Tomas Roncero - August: "Owen is a galactico de pacotilla (junk galactico). This newspaper said so on that ill-fated August 12th, that desperate day of self-inflicted pain when Madrid signed Owen. . . let's face it, Owen is not a galactico. No, no, no."

Spanish columnist Tomas Roncero - October: "Anyone who questions Owen's ability is a cretin."

Gee, thanks part II

"In every squad there are five completely stupid players and at least one of those would end up begging on the streets if he didn't play professional football."

- Hertha Berlin coach Hans Meyer.

"They don't know what honesty or loyalty is. They're the biggest scum that walk on this planet and, if they weren't football players, most of them would be in prison." - Former Tottenham chairman Alan Sugar.

"A lot of people phoned to wish me a speedy recovery and I thank them all. I have spoken to Cantona, Thuram, Henry, Vieira. Even some people who I don't know and who I have not heard of before, people like Dion Dublin."

- Liverpool's Djibril Cisse.

"Your legs are gone. You're too old. You're too slow. You couldn't even kiss my arse."

- Craig Bellamy's text message to Alan Shearer after Newcastle lost in the FA Cup semi-final.

"I will never say a bad word against Gerard Houllier, but if he had stayed I would have wanted to leave."

- Liverpool's Milan Baros.

Doom and gloom

"I don't want to stand here and keep saying 'we've turned the corner', because it's been a long flippin' corner." - Jermaine Jenas, driven around the bend by Newcastle's lack of progress.

"He's having an indifferent time . . . people are shouting 'Useless de la Cruz' at him." - David O'Leary on Villa fans expressing slight doubts about Ulises de la Cruz's ability.

"We're a second-half side - the problem is the second halves aren't long enough." - Delia Smith on life in the Premiership with Norwich.