Quotes of the 2004-2005 football season.
Champions of Europe
"I hate to say it: but it's over." - Sky Sport's Andy Gray after Milan went 3-0 up.
"At half-time I read all the texts from my Man Utd-supporting mates. After the penalty shoot-out I replied to them." - A message sent to BBC Online by a man called "Strim".
"Were Liverpool worthy champions? What do you mean? I see Xabi Alonso dance, Steven Gerrard weep and 45,000 people sing You'll Never Walk Alone. The question is not whether they were worthy. The question is whether we were worthy to watch this final." - Sweden's Afton Bladet newspaper.
"Incredible. Milan lose a trophy they had already won. And they lost it in a bad way. A really bad way. A really, really bad way." - Italy's Gazzetta dello Sport, taking that Champions League defeat really, really, really badly.
Lest we forget, part I
Guest at a charity dinner: "You have a gun with one bullet. Who would you shoot: Victoria Beckham or Arsene Wenger?" - Alex Ferguson: "Could I have two bullets?"
"If you were to offer us fourth from bottom now we'd take it." - Kevin Campbell on Everton's determination to reach for the stars; in the end they had to settle for fourth from top.
"I saw one player in a training session, taking a free-kick, and I told him to be careful of the wine. He looked at me. What I meant was 'wind'. If you change one letter, the meaning can change."- Rafa Benitez, finding the English language more difficult to conquer than the Champions League.
"I could have stayed but would have broken my neck with all the high balls." - Anders Svensson bids a fond adieu to Southampton and their total football.
"A spokesman for Yankee Doodle, meatloaf-munchin' good ol' boy American imperialist pigdog Malcolm Glazer has accused United fans of being 'xenophobic'." - As read on the United We Stand website.
Tributes, sort of
"Ken Bates has never been afraid to shirk any responsibilities." - Leeds legend Norman Hunter was actually attempting to pay tribute to the club's new owner.
"Apart from him peeing in the street and a visit to the police station, he has been spot-on for me." - Graeme Souness, impressed by the improvement in Kieron Dyer's off-the-field form.
"When you thump a fist on the desk you either break the desk or you break your hand, nothing else happens."- Roberto Carlos pays homage to the managerial style of Jose Antonio Camacho, who resigned as Real Madrid boss not long after.
"They fought with death-defying courage against the Arab terrorists." - Hungarian Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsany's verdict on Hungary's feisty 0-0 draw with Saudi Arabia.
No excuses
"I'd been ill and hadn't trained for a week and I'd been out of the team for three weeks before that, so I wasn't sharp. I got cramp before half-time as well. But I'm not one to make excuses." - Clinton Morrison.
"The balls don't help the goalkeepers - they go left, they go right, it can be difficult." - Liverpool goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek after a mishap against Bayer Leverkusen.
"I was right wing in politics and he was left wing. I think that is why he didn't like me. He wanted all communists in his team." - Mark Bosnich explaining his fondness for Margaret Thatcher came between him and Alex Ferguson, who dumped him in favour of Comrade Massimo Taibi.
"Except for the two goals I don't think they had one occasion to score."- Sven-Goran Eriksson after England's 2-2 draw with Austria.
Lest we forget, Part II
"I felt I should have had a few more, to be honest with you."- Cobh Ramblers' Dave Warren, gutted after scoring just the six against Monaghan United.
"If you keep hitting yourself on the head with a hammer sooner or later you're going to realise that if you stop doing it the pain goes away." - Rodney Marsh's mid-season Norwich analysis.
"Only last month I paid 7,000 for her to have breast enlargement." - Cameroon striker Mo Idrissou, struggling to understand why his fiancee Selin let him, after investing so much in their relationship.
"I have never met Lee Bowyer but everyone I have spoken to about him says that he is a toe-rag." - Tony Cascarino, impugning the name of decent toe-rags.
"Rooney's so strong he can do anything. He would be the ideal person to help you move house." - Spain's Michel Salgado, suggesting an alternative career for young Wayne.
The special one
"If I wanted to have an easy job I would have stayed at Porto - beautiful blue chair, the Uefa Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me." - Jose Mourinho says hello to English football.
"The kid arrived, said he wanted to win and won. He said he was one of the best and he proved it.
"He said he did not want to be an integral part of the plan and remained independent. He said the sharks around him did not frighten him and he swam between them." - Mourinho on Mourinho.
"The moral of the story is not to listen to those who tell you not to play the violin but stick to the tambourine." - Jose, jingle jangling his way through the season.
Commentary box
"Sunderland are breathing down the shorts of Wigan." - Mark Bright, on BBC Radio 5, accusing Mick McCarthy's men of lewd behaviour.
"And, in case you're wondering, Jagielka is related to his younger brother at Sheffield United, Phil." - Sky Sports' Kevin "no flies on me" Keatings.
"Novo did well to get his body between himself and the ball."- Radio Scotland's Jim Duffy. Eh . . .
"Retiring will put years on his career." - Don Howe's take on Paul Scholes' decision to call it a day with England.
