Hors de Combat:We might be short on strength in depth in Irish rugby, but one thing we're definitely not short of is opinions, writes Risteárd Cooper.
Coming away from St Denis on the funereal walk back to our van, there was a smattering of passionately held views which broke the despairing and bewildered silence. I wasn't saying much, for as the great Irish philosopher David O'Leary once said when faced with similar turmoil - "As I say, what can you say?"
One Ulster voice in the crowd shouted out "He's been picking the wrong team for two years", which roughly translated means there aren't enough Ulster players on the team. Another gnarled and grizzly Munster man said the problem lay in: "Not picking the whole Munster pack."
Success or failure is a matter of opinion, winning or losing, unfortunately is not. I must say I got the prediction for last Friday's game a little wrong. Well, very wrong really, I was guilty of classic Irish optimism and of giving everyone who disagreed with me a right bollicking for not being more loyal. I've never been more nervous before an Irish rugby match. It was like I was playing myself, so I brought my gear just in case. Well, you never know these days!
Before the players emerged from the tunnel into the manic, gladiator-like atmosphere complete with ominous banging of kettle drums, you were clinging on to the hope that this time the players would do themselves justice. Surely this group of players is too talented not to fulfil its potential?
France will be edgy, they'll make mistakes, we'll have them on the ropes and then our backline will explode into action.
Yes, Eddie's been saving his big bag of tricks until now, it's all part of a brilliant plan. He's in the dressing-room now giving it socks - "Listen lads this is the big one, now go out and grab the bull by the horns, it's dog eat dog out there so let's not play like headless chickens with eggs on our faces." Mmm . . . maybe it's not going to be our day after all.
It's hard to find any light in these dark days, or to find any reason why Andrew Trimble thought he was playing outhalf for France's beautifully executed opening try. But there's been so much negativity associated with this whole experience that you can't really blame Eddie O for coming out and giving it the old "We're still in this, and we've got to focus on the positives" routine.
I presume he selected his team for Argentina by throwing a load of lotto balls in the air with the ones he caught making the team, while the remainder - most likely being knocked on - will, in due course be thrown back into a Polish ice chamber. I don't envy him in his long and lonely search for the positives from the journey so far, but just where does he begin with his up-beat attempt at rallying the troops?
"Come on lads, we can do this, all is not lost, if we get an early score anything is possible. Sometimes you drop a nice bottle of wine and it doesn't break, you know? They have it all to lose, remember, so they'll be nervous, let's make sure we give them something to be really nervous about. Their temperament has always been suspect, as Denis Leamy proved when he targeted Contepomi in the Leinster v Munster European semi at Lansdowne.
"Maybe not the best time to bring that match up in terms of team spirit, but you catch my drift. I suppose what I'm saying is you don't always have to open the fridge to know it's cold, are you with me? You know what I'm gettin' at? (Players look at him in silence)
"What I mean by that is we've gotta be smart with the football. The football is an odd shape so it can go anywhere you know? (Players again look on in silence). We didn't get one good bounce of the football against France, but with a bit of luck the football will be kind to us this time.
"There's no point in looking back on that game except to say that Chris White's a b****x. But we park it and move on, cuz there's nothing to be gained from dwelling on the performance of the referee . . . (To himself) the little shit.
"Let's move forward with confidence and look at Argentina - if you want my opinion I don't think they're a great side. Okay, they haven't conceded one try and they haven't lost one game, but eh . . . right, let me put it this way, you can't open a tin of beans with a sausage roll.
(More silence)
"Look, it's a big ask, I'm not denying it, but the prize for doing it is huge. It'll take all the pressure off me, eh us, it'll get us back on the rails and it'll get us in to the quarter-finals of the World Cup. And who'll be waiting for us? That's right New Zealand.
(He paces the room for a moment)
"Actually, you know what lads, just go out and blow it against Argentina."
