Planet Football: After Friday's 1-1 draw between Wolves and Sunderland, Roy Keane opined the rigmarole attached to the game had "bored" him. "The media have kept it going," he said. "You (Irish journalists) have got a flight over from Ireland to be here and you will probably have a night out tonight."
Indeed, having kissed and made-up weeks before the game, the anticipated spectacle had already lost its sparkle, leaving quote-thirsty scribes frustrated. But differences aside, had the result itself left McCarthy feeling likewise? "You keep telling me I'm frustrated," he barked. "I don't let my wife put words in my mouth and I am not going to allow you do it either. I'm not frustrated."
Sharpe loses edge
We'll forgive Lee Sharpe for the following if his recent gaffe was alcohol induced. We won't if it's down to blatant stupidity. At a recent pub quiz in Leeds, the contestants were asked to name the youngest player to appear for the England under-21s before Arsenal's Theo Walcott. Sharpe's team answered Michael Owen. Cue raucous laughter as quiz MC Nick Ord politely pointed out to Sharpe that, yes you've guessed it, he himself was in fact the correct answer. Still, despite being left red-faced the 35-year-old and his team-mates went on to lift the night's loot.
Diving in Torquay
Hats off to Torquay United chairman Chris Roberts for taking the initiative in tackling diving in the game. The club will soon start taking disciplinary action in the form of a "three strikes and you're out" policy against any player who dives or feigns injury.
According to the club, who believe they are the first professional outfit in the world to launch such an initiative, first-time offenders will receive a warning, second timers a fine, followed by a swift transfer-listing for those who refuse to learn. Bemused players are less than pleased, with some wondering if they could sue should the need arise.
Chant of the week
"There's only one Nakamura, one Nakamura, he eats Chow Mein, votes Sinn Fein, walking in a Naka wonderland."
- Celtic fans laud their Japanese international Shunsuke Nakamura after scoring the winner against Manchester United.
Quotes of the week
"You only get one touch, otherwise they eat your legs. In Argentina we would say they are animals."
- Carlos Tevez blames the insatiable appetite of the Premiership's defenders for his inauspicious start at West Ham.
"I have always been destructive. When I was mad once, I put a TV set in a tree and tried to take it down by kicking a football at it. I was mad. Really fed up, but it calmed me down"
- Ronaldo deals with the pressures of playing for Manchester United in his own unique way.
"Sometimes, when I perform badly or when things don't go the way I want, I come straight home, go to the small bedroom in my house, lock the door and just stay there."
- After one step-over too many Ronaldo caves in to Alex Ferguson's punishment.
"One thing I do know about the new chairman is he's a biscuit baron. When I heard that I was overjoyed and thought, 'Yes! Bourbons all round!'
- West Ham's Dean Ashton eyeing his Christmas bonus.
"Giggs has just slipped in there. He's made a threesome with Scholes and Carrick."
- David Pleat loses the run of himself during ITV's coverage of the Celtic-Manchester United game.
"The other day I was on the internet and I saw this piece about me being among the 55 players nominated for the European Player of the Year award. Next to my name there was a cartoon, with me in an orange shirt, falling on the grass. The piece said that I had been nominated for an Oscar, not for the Golden Ball but for the Golden Dive. Cartoons are supposed to make you smile, but this one hurt so much."
- Chelsea's Arjen Robben finally realises what most fans think he is famous for.
"I suffer from migraines and one of the triggers is cheese. We were at a big gala, where there were about 7,000 people. They know I am allergic to it and I did get a special plate, but somehow they managed to get cheese on it. It was in the mashed potato and I had an attack."
- Freddie Ljungberg explains why he was forced to miss Sweden's recent friendly with the Ivory Coast.
Alive and wringing
How must it feel to wake one morning only to find out you died the night before? As Mark Twain remarked: "The rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated", and this was precisely the conundrum veteran Mexico striker striker Cuauhtemoc Blanco was posed with recently. A Mexican news website reported the 33-year-old had died in a car accident en route to the city of Cuernavaca.
Blanco was, in fact, sleeping peacefully at home when the "news" broke. "This is something I really can't support. I deserve respect, how can they publish something like this without checking the information? Imagine if my mother or any other relative read a news story like this, they could have had a shock or any kind of problem . . . I can't forgive the people that have done this."
Indeed Blanco is now anxious to "wring the neck" of the editor in question.
Beckham's troubles
It's been a rough week for Victoria Beckham's lesser half. With "unnamed" Real Madrid board members questioning his continued worth as a bench-warmer at the club, Macedonian police have now recovered a stolen jeep which they believe belongs to Golden Balls himself. Macedonian television claim the vehicle, stolen in Madrid last year, was used by Bulgarians working in a human trafficking syndicate and local police will auction the 100,000 BMW X5 if Beckham doesn't claim it.
