New York - Let me see if I've got this straight: The country that gave the world Jack the Ripper, Sid Vicious, and, for that matter, Julius Francis, is now too good to let Mike Tyson in?

Not only that, but somebody apparently got the bright idea that if the Home Office (as opposed to Home Box Office) gives Tyson the hook, all the promoters have to do is hop across Irish Sea and - voila - Frank Warren might be granted political asylum in Ireland.

Just what Dublin needs. Another rapist and another mugger.

Forget that one, anyway. For the record, nobody on this side of the Atlantic has acknowledged that Dublin ever was under consideration as an alternate venue should the January 29th Tyson-Francis heavyweight fight be unceremoniously booted out of Manchester. When contacted about the possibility this week, both Marino Capurro of Showtime, which is bankrolling the exercise, and Tyson's adviser Shelly Finkel had essentially the same response:

"We still expect the fight to go on in Manchester," said Capurro. Finkel said that he, Tyson, and the rest of the boxer's travelling party still planned to fly to London on Sunday.

Warren, the promoter of the card, said this week that it is "far too late" to consider moving the fight show. It might also be pointed out that over 21,000 tickets have been sold for Manchester's MEN Arena. Just what Dublin venue was supposed to accommodate that many boxing fans on the last Saturday night in January remains unlearned.

This latest tempest-in-a-spit-bucket shouldn't be altogether surprising. Consider that Francis, the British and former Commonwealth champion, has been training for the past several weeks at an army base in Aldershot, where he has had the opportunity to familiarise himself with the latest in British Intelligence.

In the sergeants' mess where he and Maloney are quartered hangs a sign which reads: "Action to Be Taken on the Outbreak of Fire: Shout `FIRE, FIRE, FIRE."'

Now, don't get me wrong. If I had my way, Mike Tyson wouldn't even be allowed to enter Massachusetts, but the combination of bad timing and self-righteous indignation at work here is downright ludicrous.

The late-blooming controversy apparently arose after someone discovered that British immigration rules state that anyone convicted of a crime carrying a jail term of a year or more may be denied entry into the country, and that hence, Tyson's 1992 rape conviction (for which he served over three years) ought to disqualify him.

First of all, one might point out that on that basis, Nelson Mandela should also have been denied admission to the United Kingdom. And, as Francis' (and Lennox Lewis') manager Frank Maloney has already pointed out, Don King's manslaughter conviction has never been an issue when the world's `greatest promoter' has travelled to Britain.

It might also be noted that were the fight to be moved out of the country, the Brits, if they applied the same standard, ought not to let Francis, who has served prison time for a number assault convictions, back in. And, to be sure, Warren has a valid point in wondering where all of these people were when the fight was announced a month ago - and why the issue has suddenly heated up two weeks before the show is scheduled to go on. As New York Daily News scribe Michael (Wolf Man) Katz said yesterday, suddenly discovering that Tyson is a convicted rapist is a bit like punching after the bell.

One would be inclined to dismiss the whole thing as silly, were it not for the grim reflections from people in high places who ought to know better.

A spokesman for Jack Straw, the Home Secretary who will make the final decision on Tyson, glumly said this week that "on the understanding that he will enter in the next couple of weeks we are considering (Tyson's) right to enter. The rules state that entry is normally refused, except where there are strong compassionate reasons." Given the opportunity to label L'affaire Tyson a bunch of hooey, Downing Street chose to similarly treat it as a matter of national security, even though, as Warren noted two days ago, Tyson is unlikely to do bodily harm to anyone save Julius Francis.

"As I understand it, the room for discretion is very, very limited," Tony Blair's spokesman gravely warned.

In the meantime, the reaction from those on both sides of the issue has been downright amusing.

"I'd like to see if this rule includes anybody who crosses the English (sic) border," said Tyson's ironically-named assistant trainer Jay Bright, who sounded as if he were lobbying to have the fight moved to Holyhead.

"The offences for which he served were very serious," said the actress Glenda Jackson, MP, who is a candidate (as is, coincidentally, Maloney) for Mayor of London. "They shouldn't bend the rules for him."

Glenda Jackson? Come on. When do we get to find out what Walter Matthau thinks about all of this?