SOCCER:SO THEN, Jose, that Van Gaal guy says he is worried about the referee on Saturday, well what worries you? "He says he is worried about the referee, but I am worried about Gudjohnsen." About who? "Gudjohnsen is that Iceland volcano, of course. Nobody can pronounce the name so I call it Gudjohnsen. Because of it, we have to fly to Madrid tomorrow (this afternoon) but I would much prefer to stay and train here until Friday . . ."

The Special One, Jose Mourinho, coach to Champions League finalists, Inter Milan, has long accustomed us to his “problem solving” abilities. Now, he has resolved another one, with reference to that impossible sounding Icelandic volcano. Just call it Gudjohnsen in memory of Iceland’s most famous footballer, a player Mourinho once coached in his Chelsea days.

As one might expect the Special One was in thoroughly ebullient mood at La Pinetina, Appiano Gentile yesterday when he met with the world’s media for a pre-Champions League barny. So, his opposite number, Dutchman Luis Van Gaal, the Bayern Munich coach, is worried about the referee, is he?

“Well, he didn’t seem too worried about him during some of his games on the way to the final, did he?” said a typically provocative Mourinho in reference to a blatantly offside but decisive Bayern goal in their second-round tie with Fiorentina.

When it was put to him that Van Gaal has gone on the record to say that his sides play football to entertain whilst Mourinho’s sides play to win, the Special One fairly bristled with an impassioned defence of his team and his season’s work.

“In all of this season’s Champions League competition, no side played as well as we did in our (first leg) match with Barcelona at the San Siro. No side has played the sort of aggressive, attacking game we did that night, scoring three goals against the reigning European champions . . . I don’t recall any team playing the way we did at Stamford Bridge either.”

Yet in the other leg of that Barcelona semi-final tie, pointed out one bold fellow, Inter did very little, basically parking a bus in front of the Barcelona attack. Was this not being overly defensive?

“We didn’t park a bus in front of Barcelona, that was a plane . . . We had to play that way because we were down to 10 men and then we won that tie at the San Siro, where we beat Barca fair and square, not at the Nou Camp.”

Asked if he and his players perhaps overdid it with their enthusiastic post-match celebrations at the Nou Camp, Mourinho recalled that never-to-be forgotten Old Trafford celebration on the night his Porto side eliminated Manchester United on the way to winning the trophy six seasons ago.

“I was celebrating with the Inter fans at the Nou Camp so I don’t see why Guardiola should get so annoyed. When Barcelona won at Stamford Bridge last year, Guardiola ran like a crazy man . . . Now Van Gaal, he won’t do it because he’s not fast, not like me, I run like the wind.”

Needless to say, much media attention focused on the question that is currently exercising the minds of the Inter fans (and perhaps some Inter players) almost as much as the final itself. Namely, is the Special One preparing to pack his bags and move on to Real Madrid, especially in the event of victory next Saturday night?

In an attempt to head off that threat, the Inter fans have staged a whole series of appeals to Mourinho, appeals that have inevitably become all the more impassioned in the wake of Inter’s last-day Serie A title win last weekend.

Do these expressions of enthusiasm for the club’s new-found Messiah leave him indifferent, asked one Italian colleague.

“Look, those things do not leave me indifferent and it is simply not true that I am the new Real Madrid coach. Inter can do nothing more than they already have to make me happy, I have a great contract with them (€10 million a year) so money is not the problem. Indeed sometimes I feel ashamed that I earn so much money in these times of recession, with so many problems for people.

“Here the fans, the players, the president, they all make me feel very important and very wanted even if a great club like this is much bigger than any one individual. After the final, I want two or three days to think about the future.”

One suspects that, should he opt to leave Inter, the Special One will not be short of work offers.