They have an animal cunning, these Vodafone people, putting up £200,000 for the England team should they win this series in the knowledge that they have no intention of parting with the money. Fair enough. But in offering Children in Need £100 for every England wicket and £10 for every run in this match, they are showing the sort of charity that would make Scrooge seem like Viv "Spend Spend Spend" Nicholson. Kids should not go toyless at Christmas on account of the England team.
So far, after two disastrous days, the fund stands at £1,220 for the England first innings and £600 for the wickets they have taken. South Africa, 64 for one overnight, took full advantage of greatly improved conditions underfoot and overhead yesterday to reach 386 for six, a lead of 264. It will require more than another spot of obduracy from Mike Atherton to pull them from this mire.
Certainly if Hansie Cronje, scenting a corpse or maybe bad weather and remembering only too well that he delayed his declaration too long the last time the sides met at the Wanderers, should close his innings with unnecessary haste, the game may not last into tomorrow.
The South African batsmen had a ball. Herschelle Gibbs was seemingly on the way to his third century in as many Tests when he was bowled through the gate by Allan Mullally for 85. However, Daryll Cullinan went better with 108, a high-class and chanceless innings made in four hours with 17 fours, his fourth hundred in 10 innings. Some of his driving and pulling was merciless.
There was 46 from Cronje, too, and a partnership of 105 for the fourth wicket with Cullinan. Later, as the shadows lengthened, Jonty Rhodes, scampering and busy for his 26, added 79 with Lance Klusener, who, brutal as ever, survived a chance to Michael Vaughan in the gully on 48 and will return this morning with Shaun Pollock to torment England further, having made 61 already from 73 balls with nine fours.
England have now conceded first-innings advantage in every one of their previous 15 Tests, since they scored 462 to South Africa's 343 at Edgbaston in the first Test of the series last year. In the same time, and in the same number of matches, South Africa have not once failed to take a first-innings advantage, only three times failing to score 300. That is where games are won and lost: England are the brand leaders in playing catch-up.
England used all six of their bowlers yesterday and for some not used to this sort of thing it was a chastening experience. The pick of them was probably Andy Caddick, who until Klusener roughed him up as he tired, persevered under pressure where once he might have crumbled, and then still came back for more at the end. He deserved more than the solitary wicket of Cullinan, who played all round a full-length ball and was bowled by the second ball of a new spell.
Mullally toiled with his usual uncomplaining insouciance and was the tightest of the bowlers.