Welcome to Mick McCarthy's 55th post-match press conference as Irish manager. His team have just won four-nil. They are 15 games unbeaten. They have knocked Holland out of the World Cup. They are fancied to be there themselves. This will be a happy occasion for you to join us on.

"Absolutely," says Mick, affirming his own happiness. "A good performance. A good victory. It could have been a lot more. Their 'keeper played particularly well."

So far so good. Let me tell you to tread carefully though. In the ointment of McCarthy's happiness there is always a fly. The fly usually has an NUJ card. A couple of weeks ago Mick called the Irish media "liars" in an English Sunday paper. Last week he wondered aloud if we didn't all think him "bitter and twisted"? Not at all, we lied.

"Twenty-four points," he says, weighing up the statistical value of his considerable achievement. "Yes, it's a frustration that the best second-placed team don't go through, but we knew the rules. It's a fantastic achievement."

We ask him about Niall Quinn. It's all good news, all the time, tonight. We're going to dance the night away.

"Niall Quinn? Absolutely thrilled for him."

The media nods. Us too. We're thrilled too.

"Don Givens was probably the best goalscorer we had, and a nice guy, but for Quinny to take it, nobody deserves it more. The goals he scored, the contribution to Irish football in general and to me and to my squad. I'm thrilled for him."

We vow not to tell Frank Stapleton about Mick's sin of omission. We continue on the Niall theme.

"I've had words with him on a couple of occasions," says Mick. "I caught him before he said anything. I think he was coming to see me to ask if I thought he should call it a day. That's never been in my mind at all. When I heard suggestions before the Holland game, if, if, if, he might not be around, people speculating, I said early in the week I wanted him to be around, and I want him to be around, let's hope, for the World Cup finals."

Tenderly, somebody raises the half-daft question as to whether at any point Mick thought that Ireland should go for 13 goals on Saturday evening.

"I wasn't bothered," he says. "We got three, we got four, and I thought when we had four we better find out how Portugal were doing. If they were winning one-nil, well, we had Robbie on the bench, we might have gone for it. They were three or four up though. Our best chances were in the first half anyway. And I expected Portugal to do what they had done."

Yo. Wait up. Everyone hit the deck. A Cypriot journalist has just wandered into the minefield. This could be it, there could be shrapnel everywhere. Down! Down!

"Mister McCarthy. Do you have regrets now that you didn't beat Holland in Amsterdam?"

"Why?"

"You would have won the group."

"Look, I can't do anything about it. We could have got beaten in Portugal. If I look back and start regretting things I'll make my life a misery, and I'm not like that. We've had an absolutely brilliant World Cup campaign and that result in Holland was terrific. They got a bit of luck that day - a 30-yarder flew in, deflected. We got a bit of luck here maybe. Twenty-four points though. Fabulous."

Phew!

We lob a soft one about how much belief Mick has that his team will win the play-offs. None of us has written the team off yet, so this is a fine question.

"Well, I believed we'd beat Belgium. I believed we'd beat Turkey. Whoever we play won't be mugs, they'll be good, well-organised football teams. It won't be easy. We have to go and qualify now. It won't be easy."

We keep the soft ones coming. This is the journalistic equivalent of keepy-uppy. Nobody drops the ball on the ground. We all get enough quotes to fill a big white space. Everyone lives.

The play-offs, Mick. We have a lot of experience of them.

"Players have had the experience of the play-offs, some of them two play-offs. You learn from it. It's a body blow to lose, but the resolve gets stronger. They are more experienced, should do them good."

"Gary Breen said other home countries were in awe of our spirit?"

"He talks to other players. He gets that feeling. We do have a unique team spirit, it's been around for a long time. There was maybe a dip, when it (the team) was changing over it wasn't quite what it is now. They've grown together. This is as good a team spirit as I've seen in any team.

"Results help. If I were stood here and we had 15 points we'd be saying the spirit wasn't as good as it should be. In Portugal and here against Holland and in Estonia the team spirit showed."

He talks about FIFA, global geopolitics and the play-offs, the alleged luck of the Irish.

"To be fair to them (FIFA), they've been guided by events around the world. It's not for them to make that decision just yet. Maybe we've not had too much luck with opponents. People ask me, was it a moment in this campaign when it all started going well? Last time, splitting Yugoslavia and Croatia, two big teams, that was an achievement. We've had two fantastic campaigns. We are along the line in the development now."

Daringly or masochistically, one erstwhile critic asks Mick if he has taken pleasure in shutting him (the critic) up.

"I don't take personal satisfaction in silencing you or anyone else," says Mick beaming down at our lying eyes. "It's satisfaction for me and the players, getting things done. It's great now, but we have to qualify. If we don't it's back to square one with the criticism. That's the way it is, that's pressure. I'm not bemoaning it. What pleasure it gives is for me, the players and the staff."

Speaking of players, we ask Mick to revisit his fond thoughts on Steve Staunton. Earlier in the week the manager had nominated Steve as the player of the tournament. We rushed to tell Roy Keane that the manager had lost it. Totally.

"Stan for me is the man of the tournament," says Mick again. "Look back at everything said about our centre backs. Stan got all his criticism after the Portugal game. I thought he defended well in that. Both Richard and Stan gave the ball away and caused their own problems, but defensively they did very well.

"They went on to Estonia and I thought they were outstanding. And he has been. Man of the tournament. You could argue that Roy Keane is that all the time. Alright. You expect that. But did we expect Stan to go in the team, play centre half, have 30 minutes of an iffy game against Portugal and then play like he has played all these games? He has had a new lease of life, terrific. It was a vote of thanks and a pat on the back."

As regards pats on the back. Mick's contract negotiations arise in February. This is lobbed in as an exit question. Cover me while we back out.

"Long term? I have to be careful or I could be off in the morning. I love doing what I do. The pinnacle of anyone's career is to manage at international level. I bypassed a top-club job when I came here. I came straight form the first division. I would like to think that there is a top-level job there for me.

"I want to qualify for the World Cup and then we'll deal with it. I desperately want to go to the World Cup."

So. That was easy. Nothing bitter and twisted. A man about to come into his kingdom. A press corps ready to bow.