We're beginning not to care much about this section of Planet Football anymore because it's brought us so little success and a triffic amount of humiliation, but the public (hiya Aidan) demand we persevere, so we will. Right. Alan McLoughlin? Remember him? Windsor Park legend? Well, Al's been in the wilderness a bit since joining Wigan so there's talk of him returning to Swindon.

"And," you ask. Okay, how about rumours of Arsenal's Ray Parlour joining Aston Villa? Or Chelsea not yet giving up on luring Scouser Robbie Fowler down south? Or Newcastle slapping a £22 million price tag on Kieron Dyer in the hope of warding off interest from Real Madrid, Manchester United and such like. Or Celtic signing Stan Collymore despite last week's revelations that his heart lies in Ibrox?