Somehow it didn't wash. "A breezy summer's day - nothing more than that," was how native Scot, Colin Montgomerie, blithely dismissed conditions in which some of the world's greatest players suffered untold grief, as the 128th British Open got under way here at Carnoustie yesterday. Indeed the like of it has not been seen in modern times.
It was a day when the average score was 78.3; when recently-crowned Murphy's Irish Open champion Sergio Garcia shot 89 and Tom Gillis, an American who plies his craft on the European Tour, shot 90. And when the lead was set by an Australian named Rodney Pampling with a level-par 71 in only the second group on the course, nobody managed to match him for the remainder of the day.
Rampling, who came here via the Nike Tour, set off at 7.25 a.m.; completed the round at about mid-day and watched television for the afternoon, thinking how nice it was to see distinguished rivals struggle. And to paraphrase the Bard, any professional of infinite jest would have been rapidly despatched to an insane asylum, as scores rose to horrendous levels.
After a grim 79, David Duval spoke of "too many variables" in a situation where pitching wedges were sending the ball 200 yards downwind. Recently crowned US Open champion, Payne Stewart, attempted to put an acceptable gloss on the same score. "Well, it beats 80," he said with a forced grin, before adding that to describe the conditions as over the top, was "being kind".
Defending champion, Mark O'Meara, was more seriously wounded when carding a wretched seven at the 17th on the way to an 83, his worst ever score in 55 rounds in this championship. But he took it graciously. "As a professional golfer, it hurts your pride a little bit when you shoot in the 80s," he said. "But I felt I got the score I deserved today."
In an acknowledgement of their plight, Hugh Campbell, chairman of the Royal and Ancient championship committee conceded afterwards: "I take no great pleasure in seeing good players shoot the scores they're doing. These are the best players in the world on the most difficult course in the world and the course is winning at the moment. But it's early yet." Meanwhile, we learned that it's pretty difficult for a woman to make the desired impression on Tiger Woods, when he is concentrating on his work. Regarding the scantily-clad blonde who ran onto the 18th green when he was about to putt, he said: "Luckily she didn't have a whole lot on." He then hastily explained that a normally-clothed intruder might be carrying a concealed weapon.
Anyway, while mentally thinking of a birdie, he received the sort that doesn't improve a scorecard. And he then proceeded to two-putt for a 74, which seemed to leave him largely pleased with his day's endeavours. All of which reflected enormous credit on the 75 from Warrenpoint amateur Paddy Gribben, who shared the role of leading Irishman with Des Smyth.
Any player who happens to be an early starter, can have the good fortune to be up there on the leaderboard of a major championship after the first few holes. But Smyth, who set off in the company of Bob Tway and Jarrod Moseley at 1.55 p.m., saw himself tied for second place at level par when all three hit their tee-shots into the same, right-front bunker at the short eighth.
And he was still in the same position after completing the hole with a brilliant up-and-down par, while his colleagues carded bogeys. But the process of attrition, exerted by the combined hazards of wind, murderous rough, strategic bunkering and fast running fairways, took its toll on the 46-year-old's powers of concentration, leading eventually to a 75.
As we suspected, concentration was the key to survival throughout an extraordinary day in which a westerly wind gusted and abated, almost by the hour. Then there was the odd, light rain shower. A typical, British summer's day as Monty observed, though the remark was hardly appropriate in the context of the golfing challenge.
Either way, we shouldn't have been surprised to see the wonderfully tenacious Bernhard Langer return a 72 while his renowned wedge play was complemented by 28 putts. "I took each hole as a separate challenge and tried my best," he said afterwards. Putting had earlier been a crucial aspect of Pampling's effort, in that he had only nine putts in a particular eight-hole stretch.
Ernie Els, whose patience has passed the supreme test in two US Open victories, also wrought wonders with the blade, having only 26 putts in a round of 74. Woods took a similar view after a round that contained some remarkable clubbing, even by his standards. For instance, he reached the 515-yard 14th with a four iron and seven iron; the 472-yard 15th became a six iron, wedge, and the 487-yard 18th was reduced to a five and eight iron.
It is clear that the organisers made concessions on Wednesday by cutting back the rough and then using noticeably kind pin placements, generally in the centre of the greens. Yet in attempting to explain the penal nature of the course, Duval claimed: "The R and A say that it's an out of control greenkeeper."
To which secretary, Michael Bonallack commented: "Nonsense. I can't imagine anyone from the R and A saying anything like that. We are delighted with the course."
The crucial question, however, was whether the 28,500 spectators yesterday were just as happy to see professionals battling for pars as they might have been seeing them making birdies. "I heard only one loud roar throughout the afternoon," said Woods. And he was right, though the golf was thoroughly absorbing, just the same.
