TV VIEW:YOU KNOW yourself, it was like one of those times when you haven't been invited to the party so you stand outside in the garden, staring in the window, having a peek at all the fun that's been had in your absence, even joining in when they do that YMCA dance. And when the gardaí arrive they're sympathetic enough, offering you the moral compensation of a night in a warm cell.
That’s what it was like yesterday. Divil a sign of us in any of the pots, the party going on without us. “Cape Town is absolutely jumping,” the BBC’s Jonathan Pearce told us, “there’s a carnival atmosphere in Cape Town,” Sky News’ Emma Hurd confirmed. All you could hope was that it would rain on their parade.
No, no, we weren’t that petty at all, generous enough, even, not to hope Sepp Blatter tripped and landed on his face when he strode across the red carpet. On his bottom, maybe, but not his face.
“France are complaining they weren’t seeded, they’ve got a cheek,” said Gary Lineker, while admitting he didn’t particularly want them in England’s group.
“Yeah, they’re handy up front, aren’t they?” said Mark Lawrenson, Gary and John “Motty” Motson agreeing, solemnly, Lawro’s comedic effort going completely undetected.
Actress Charlize Theron and Fifa general secretary Jerome Valcke were our hosts, their on-stage banter having a bit of Eurovision-ish feel to it. Charlize, of course, received a lusty douze points from the nation earlier in the week when she pulled France’s ball out of the bowl in the rehearsals and said ‘Ireland!’ Yesterday? Out came France again. “I think that sometimes ‘no comment’ is louder than words,” she said, in a dum de dum kind of way. This prompted Jerome to swiftly move along, lest Charlize break into a rousing rendition of The Fields of Athenry, no doubt taught to her by her beloved, Irish actor Stuart Townsend.
Jerome had insisted on explaining the complexities of the draw to Charlize (eg “we pull balls out of the bowls and Bob’s yer uncle!”), but she was way too busy keeping an eye on the beaming celebrity guests behind her, none beaming more brightly than the legend that is Haile Gebrselassie. “You need to smile more, you really do,” Charlize told him, “smiley Haile!” Smiley Haile smiled some more.
Jerome ploughed on with the serious business, though, putting Thierry Henry in a group with hosts South Africa, Mexico and Uruguay, giving you seven months to learn their anthems.
England? In with the United States, Algeria and Slovenia. “It couldn’t have been much better,” said Gary, “Capello will be absolutely delighted,” said Alan Shearer. “We’ve never, ever played Algeria,” warned Motty.
Gary insisted that nothing should be taken for granted, and then told us England would play the winners or runners-up in Group D in the second round.
“And we’ve just been told that we could play France in the quarter-finals and Brazil in the semis,” he added, although he neglected to tell us who they’d meet in the final.
