Under the rather splendid headline of 'Football's coming Homer' the Sun published this picture yesterday, one they reckon proves the Greeks - and not the English - invented football.

Zeus of the Rovers

We did a little investigating and discovered this marble relief, as it's known, is on display in the National Museum of Archaeology in Athens and spookily enough, appears on the European trophy (the Henri Delaunay Cup). It features an Ancient Greek lad showing off his keepy-uppy skills to a young fella - and we thought the Greeks were relatively new to this football lark; turns out they've been playing it for over 2,000 years. About time they got the hang of it.

God versus Our Lady

After Portugal lost their opening game against Greece Luiz Felipe Scolari had a picture of Our Lady of Caravaggio, the patron saint of his home state of Rio Grande do Sul, flown over from Brazil: Portugal went on to beat Russia and Spain. When they beat England in the quarter-finals the headline in the Record newspaper was "Our Lady of Caravaggio, thank you". Then on Wednesday 24 Horas gave their readers a free sticker of Our Lady of Caravaggio, beseeching her to provide some divine inspiration for the semi-final against The Netherlands. Portugal won.

On Thursday Traianos Dellas revealed his thoughts when Greece won a corner at the end of the first period of extra time against the Czech Republic: "I realised that exactly 14 minutes 36 seconds of extra time had been played. I said to myself that now we must do it. Someone heard me. At the end God gave us the win."

And, curiously, if you shuffle the letters 'God In Heaven! Up the ace carefree healer!' you get 'Greece have reached the European final'. Are you still there? Our conclusion, then: This final isn't Portugal v Greece, it's Our Lady of Caravaggio v God. Place your bets.

For letter or worse

Speaking of letter-shuffling, one member of RTÉ's Euro 2004 panel doesn't seem overly happy at the prospects of 'a Greece v Portugal final' . . . which can be rearranged as 'polluting average farce'. Crikey, sounds like something he'd say too.

Ronaldo only a cow boy

We were intrigued by a Reuters report yesterday on Cristiano Ronaldo's newly acquired status as a teen heart-throb in Portugal. Apparently his "naked torso graces newspaper front pages and magazine covers" and "his baby face is plastered over billboards and TV ads". The Reuters reporter stopped a few teenagers in the streets of Lisbon to ask for their comments on Ronaldo - they ranged from 'cute' to 'hunk'. Maria do Carmo (14) wasn't, however, impressed. "I don't like his earrings," she said, "he looks like a cow." (Peculiar cows in Portugal).

Euro talk

"I was so happy to see that one go in, I came over all emotional."

- Portuguese midfielder Maniche after his wonder goal against The Netherlands. After missing the goal - they were too busy showing a replay - Portuguese TV came over a bit emotional themselves.

"It's unbelievable how the referee ruled everything in favour of Portugal. He was a real home whistler, every 50-50 situation was for them but we cannot do anything about it."

- Ruud van Nistelrooy, magnanimous in defeat.

"The Unstoppable Force - We Are At The Gates Of Glory."

- Portuguese newspaper Record, casual in their response to that semi-final win.

"I have a message for my friends. The president of the Portuguese football association has been talking about our marriage. I have here the ring and I say 'yes' to two more years."

- Luiz Felipe Scolari goes up the aisle again with the Portuguese Football Federation.

"If we had said at the beginning that we would be finalists, everyone would have said we were crazy."

- Greek captain Theodoros Zagorakis. Not "crazy", Theodoros, downright stark-raving barmy.

"COR-PHEW!"

- The Daily Mirror's response to Greece reaching the final. Like it.

Rooney makes a name

It was inevitable, we suppose: a baby has been named after Wayne Rooney. Except his mother has called him 'Rooney', and not 'Wayne'. So, welcome little Rooney Masters to the world. Is it just us or does he bear a remarkable resemblance to, well, Wayne Rooney? He's clearly a well-fed lad, as is the baby (he's 15 weeks old, hence the chubby cheeks - his Ma accurately forecast that Rooney snr would have a blinding Euro 2004).

Just think, if Kerry married, say, John Ball, the little fella would be Rooney Masters-Ball.

Veron outta that

"When I was his team-mate at United he was the leader of the gang, the guy who took responsibility for everything happening. He didn't appear to be the same player at Euro 2004. He has less desire these days. He went missing against Portugal. It was as if he wasn't thinking about the match. He seemed to have his mind set on something else."

- Juan Sebastian Veron, suggesting David Beckham is out of sorts and out of form. Altogether now: "Pot .. . kettle . .. black."