Football news from around the world

Pat's black and white lookalike

While doing some in-depth research on Andy O'Brien last week (i.e. we typed "Andy" and "O'Brien" into Google) we learnt that he is affectionately known as Postman Pat by Newcastle supporters. We weren't convinced that there was any great likeness but after fiddling with a picture of Andy, putting a Postman Pat hat on his head . . . d'you know, they could be brothers.

O'Brien and his nasty rhinoplasty

Speaking of Andy O'Brien, remember after he broke his nose last season, Bobby Robson noted that "he already had a horrendous nose when it was right - you want to see it now, he looks like a parrot. We're looking on the internet to try to find a nose shop. It's massive, it's black and blue, it's awful"?

Well, while browsing through the archives of chinadaily.com (and why not?) we found this rather painful looking picture which, we assume, is when O'Brien sustained the injury. Ouch!

Quotes of the week

"I remember thinking 'I'll have a go here' - and I was lucky it went in."

- Andy Reid, cockily reflecting on that wonder goal.

"Schitz Happens."

- Headline in yesterday's Sunday Mirror, referring to David James' failure to save Andreas Ivanschitz's shot.

"It's obviously something I'm not entirely happy with . . . but I'm not going to hang myself over it."

- David James. The English press, meanwhile, implied yesterday that hanging would be too good for him.

"Except for the two goals I don't think they had one occasion to score."

- But Sven . . .

"Our coach says Scotland play in the same way as San Marino."

- Just when Scottish football thought things couldn't get any worse Spain's Jose Antonio Reyes puts the boot in.

Spellchecker's queer eye for FAI

Not entirely politically correct but were we the last to hear that a spellcheck on "FaIreland" offers "fairyland" as an alternative? We were? Thought as much.

Wayne meets a familiar face. . .

Hearty thanks to Ciarán for sending us this delightful picture. We don't know where it came from, but if YOU created it: shame on you. The caption: "Ruud shows Wayne around his new home."

More quotes of the week

"They caress a football the way I dreamed of caressing Marilyn Monroe."

- Brian Clough on Arsenal. Now you know why Marilyn ended her life.

"These are the sort of nice little buzzes that give me a lot of pleasure these days."

- Paul Gascoigne on receiving a congratulatory text message, after helping Boston to victory, from . . . TV's Richard and Judy.

"I don't know if it was the coach or those in charge who decided I should leave, but I wish they had told me a long time earlier, because I had offers from some important teams."

- Romanian full back Cosmin Contra, ecstatic about joining irrelevant West Brom from Atletico Madrid.

"It can be like the wife having an affair when the husband is the last to find out."

- Birmingham owner David Gold on Steve Bruce's fling with Newcastle.

"Wayne Rooney is a good forward, but if I must be sincere, the price that has been paid is crazy."

- Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez yet to get into the swing of Roonmania.

Trigger happiness

Au revoir Jason McAteer, thanks for the memories, including . . .

Credit card application form: "What is your position at the company?"

McAteer: "Right back."

Friend introducing McAteer to people at The Point: "This guy here's Jim Aiken."

McAteer: "I was there on holidays last year. What part are you from?"

Alan Thompson (ex-Bolton team-mate): "Pass the tomato ketchup."

McAteer: "Red or brown?"

"We call him Trigger, like the bloke out of 'Only Fools and Horses'. Sometimes I think he's winding me up, it's scary how slow he can be."

- Stephen Carr.

"Those in the party whose reading material consists mainly of pictures have been warned against taking them to Iran. Good news for the moral brigade, but bad news for us - it means someone is going to have to talk to Jason McAteer to keep him occupied."

- Matt Holland.

At Sunderland charity sports quiz . . .

Clue number one: "Born in 1971, I was 24 when I joined my boyhood heroes."

McAteer: "Dunno".

Clue two: "I've played for and captained my adopted country - always striving to win. In fact, you could say "Wyn" is my middle name."

McAteer: "Dunno".

Clue three: "My friends all call me Trigger.

McAteer: "Me!"

Calamity's candid cameraman

As Hank Williams once almost put it: "You'd want to have a cold, cold heart not to have some sympathy for David James after that blooper on Saturday night."

Well, evidently this Austrian photographer has a heart made of ice.