What They'll Say The Trouble With Kluivert

Bill O'Herlihy: "I see where the Belgian defender Staelens has said that the two-match ban on Kluivert was unfair, that the sending off should have been enough punishment."

Johnny Giles: "Bit late for that cheating little gurrier to speak up now, Bill."

Bill: "You think?"

Johnny: "Yes. Modern players have no ethics whatsoever, Bill. In my day, after you kicked a fella up the arse, headbutted him, elbowed him in the face or kneed him in the thingies, he took it like a man and didn't roll around on the floor like a big wufter."

Joe Kinnear: "Absolutely, men were men then Johnny and they never tried to get their fellow professionals in trouble."

Johnny: "That's right Joe, we had a sense of fair play."

Joe: "Absolutely. A gentleman's code of honour."

Johnny: "You're right Johnny. And if someone stepped out of line we'd flatten him."

Joe: "Absolutely Johnny - and he'd never walk again."

Johnny: "Ah, those were the days, Bill, those were the days."

Italy v Cameroon

Bob Wilson: "Costacurta's having a fine game at the back for Italy, isn't he Ruud?"

Ruud Gullit: "Yes, of course he plays for Meelan and of course I played for Meelan in the 1980s and at that moment we were the best team in the whole world. At that moment. When I played for Meelan. Did I mention I played for Meelan Bob?"

Bob: (Sigh). "Yes Ruud, almost as many times as Bobby Robson mentions he once signed Ronaldo." Ruud: "Wow! That's many, many times, isn't it Bob? Almost as many times as I played for the great Meelan side of the 1980s. I remember one European Cup Final when I . . ."

Bob: "We'll take a break there."

Patriotic ditty: No 6

Chile, your sky is pure blue Pure breezes blow across you And your field, embroidered with flowers Is a happy copy of Eden

- an extract from the Chilean national anthem

The numbers game

Games to date: 18

Goals - 39 Average per game - 2.167

Bookings - 58 Average per game - 3.222

Sendings-off - 3 Average per game - 0.188

Penalties - 2 Average per game - .125

Attendance - 752,011 Average per game - 41,778

Portrait of the hooligan

"A decent bloke" he may be to his neighbours in Northampton, but that was not the opinion of the French police when they arrested 32-year-old James Shayler (above) for rioting and hurling missiles at them before England's game in Marseille on Monday. Yesterday a court in Marseille jailed the cuddly "family man" for two months. The father of three, who works as a roofer and owns a £90,000 semi-detached house, is the latest "hooligan" to perplex English sociologists. Sam Johnstone, a lecturer at the football research unit at Liverpool University, said the typecast English hooligan of the 1980s - a working class, unemployed or low-skilled male in his early 20s, sporting a skinhead - was a myth. In fact, many of the organised football hooligan groups are quite the opposite, he said.

As if to underline his point, the French courts jailed Graham Whitby and Christopher Anderson, two 26-year-old postmen from Liverpool, for three months yesterday for setting fire to a car and inciting others to riot. Another man identified as a hooligan by the gendarmerie is a well-known English antiques dealer who specialises in pottery. This World Cup has given English football hooligans their first opportunity to go abroad and cause trouble for almost 10 years.

English clubs were banned from European competitions for several years after 39 people, mainly Italians, died following riots at Heysel Stadium, Brussels, before Liverpool's European Cup final against Juventus in 1985.

However it seems that family commitments and respectable jobs are not going to make the boys grow up. "Some of the hooligans are still there who were doing it 10 to 15 years ago - but they can't run as fast now," said Johnstone.