TV ToonsBob Wilson: "Glenn, what was your thinking behind playing David Seaman at wing back and putting Alan Shearer in goal for today's game?"
Glenn Hoddle: "Well Bob, it was a situation where Eileen Drewery, our faith healer, laid her hands on my team sheet and that's how it came out."
Bob: "Was that before or after you discovered her real name was Nadia Hagi?"
Glenn: "After, Bob."
Bob: "Thought so."
Bob Wilson: "Darren, exclusive congratulations from everyone here at ITV - you must be absolutely thrilled with that performance today (which was shown exclusively on ITV)?"
Darren Anderton: "Yes Bob, over the moon."
Bob: "What a perfect response to all those people who said you shouldn't have been in the squad, never mind the team, because you're always injured."
Darren: "Yes Bob, I hope they're gutted."
Bob: "And you feel you don't merit that 'sick note' tag anymore?" Darren: "No Bob, I'm 100 per cent fit now."
Bob: "Great news Darren - here's an exclusive slap on the back from everyone at ITV."
Darren: "["]OOOOOOWWWW.....my shoulder!"
Bob: "Uh oh, stretcher please. So, ITV can exclusively reveal that Darren Anderton will miss England's final group game against Colombia, through injury."
(David Beckham: "Nice One Bob.")
(Bob: "Remember the deal - a signed photo of Posh Spice.")
(David: "It's all yours Bob".)
Naughty by name, naughty by nature
Two South African players - Brendan Augustine and Naughty Mokoena - are to be sent home today for staying out late at a night club, team officials said yesterday. The two players visited a Vichy night club on Saturday night and returned after curfew in the early hours of Sunday morning, the South African Football Association (SAFA) said, adding the pair would be suspended for the rest of the World Cup.
Quote of the day
"I don't think it can get any worse. People tend to support winners and right now we're amongst the losers. I think with all the preparation and everything that we've done, we just threw it all down the drain."
- Jamaican midfielder Peter Cargill.
Patriotic ditty: No 8
Wake up, Romanian, from your deep slumber In which barbaric tyrants kept you so long by force Now or never is the time for you to have a new fate Which should command respect of even your great enemies.
- an extract from the Romanian national anthem.
Man of the day
Lothar Matthaus (right), having remarked tongue in cheek that his record-breaking appearance against Yugoslavia yesterday was nothing special, then admitted: "Actually I'm quite proud about it." His latest cap took him past the record of 21 World Cup matches held by his fellow German Uwe Seeler, Poland's Wladyslaw Zmuda and Diego Maradona. He also became the second player to have competed in five finals, alongside the Mexican Antonio Carbajal.
"I'm having as much fun as I ever did," he said. "I feel as if I've never been away." And he was quick to praise his side's perfor mance. "Given that we were two goals down I think 2-2 is a really good result."
As a bonus, Mattheus saw Jurgen Klinsmann, his sworn enemy when they were both at Bayern Munich, taken off injured.
The numbers game
Games to date: 30
Goals -76 average per game - 2.533 Bookings - 110 Average per game - 3.667 Sendings-off - 12 Average per game - 0.400 Penalties 4 Average per game - 0.133 Attendance 1,258,690 Average per game - 41,956
