Away from homeIt's times like these that make you wonder how we ever went out of the European Championships for the want of a few more goals. A week ago we were treated to Robbie Keane's hat-trick against his old club and an important tap in by Duffer for Chelsea.

This week, they're all getting in on the act with Clinton Morrison and Jason McAteer both marking their returns to first-team action at Birmingham and Sunderland respectively by finding the net, while Mark Kennedy and Lee Carsley also chipped in with efforts for Wolves and Everton.

And it didn't end there, for the likes of Brian Carey, Peter Gain and Richie Foran all managed to find the net too. Good news, eh, what with Ireland's next qualifying game just nine months away? But spare a thought amid the goalspree for Lee Trundle, Swansea's 27-year-old striker who told the News of the World he would like nothing more this Christmas than a call from Brian Kerr.

Trundle, with 14 league and cup goals to his credit this season, is just the latest lower-division striker to put a "Brian, please stop here" sign in his front garden over the festive season and the Liverpool-born player could do with a little less precision in front of goal from the more established names if his dream is to come true.

Collins's self-belief still intact

While David O'Leary's offer to stagger the payments he is due from his almost bankrupt former employers at Elland Road suggests he has moved to stage five of football manager's Post Dismissal Stress Disorder, deferral, our old friend Roddy Collins appears to be still stuck back at stage one - denial.

"I think the decision (to sack him) they (Carlisle United) took was rash and affected the players," the Dubliner told Radio Cumbria last week. "I don't think I got the credit I deserved for my record there which was good in difficult circumstances." Roddy's record? Played: 108; Won: 32; Drew 28; Lost: 48. Not entirely disastrous stuff until we get to the start of this season when, with our hero having promised promotion and the squad starting to really have the look of the Irishman's work about it, United lost eight and drew two of their first 11 games, form new manager Paul Simpson has been unable to improve on.

Mascot Chaddy bears a grudge

The English police may have led the world when it came to controlling violence amongst football supporters in and around grounds but when it comes to club mascots on the pitch at half-time they still seem to be at a loss as to how to cope.

The confrontation a couple of years back between Wolfie of Wolves and Bristol City's three pigs remains one of the classics but there have been many more involving furry friends - in some cases, the closest thing their clubs have to "firms" these days.

Last week's cup tie between Oldham and Blackpool produced further ugliness with the former's Chaddy the Owl reacting angrily to what he apparently perceived to be provocation from the latter's Bloomfield Bear.

"I was in the press box and they were play fighting," said Blackpool's press officer Matthew Williams afterwards, "when Chaddy waded in and seemed to be kicking 10 bells out of Bloomfield Bear." Chaddy reckoned the bear had been having a go at his beak and added that while 90 per cent of mascots were okay, a few had got it into their heads that if they "floor Chaddy", they would get their names in the papers.

The Old Bill, though, believed his rival's version of events and Chaddy has received a caution.

Players' deal bullet-proof

Good news from Honduras, where an eight-day hunger strike by players at Real Patepluma was ended this week after the league stepped in to help resolve the issue of unpaid wages.

The players, who come from all over South America, are owed around €35,000 and had staged their protest on the doorstep of the league's offices. Having put up with this for just over a week the league's officials then reached a deal with player representatives. Under its terms they will put up close to half of the required cash, with the rest being passed on when they sell the bulletproof car the club's owner put up as security for entry into the league.

Prinz charming

Many of us were impressed when Perugia president Luciano Gaucci expressed the belief some weeks back that women were now sufficiently good at the game that clubs like his should be looking to hire them to play at the very highest level.

Since then his search for the player destined to be Italian league's first female star has continued and after a couple of disappointments it seems Gaucci reckons German striker Birgit Prinz has all the required qualities for life in one of the game's toughest leagues. "I expect her to be in place by Christmas," he says. "She's a good player, she's very pretty and she has a nice figure."

Rivaldo rubbished

Clubs considering a move for Rivaldo but concerned by the Brazilian's lack of success since last year's World Cup finals will be pleased to hear he did at least pick up one award during his short time with Milan.

Listeners to one of RAI radio's leading sports programmes recently voted to award the former Barcelona star the "Golden Dustbin", an accolade handed out to the player they feel has been the worst in Serie A during the previous year.

Rivaldo faced some stiff competition for the prize with the South American beating Al Saadi Gaddafi, who had no first-team games to his credit but did manage an outstanding performance in a random drug test which resulted in a ban and former German international striker Carsten Jancker, who recently banged in his second goal in two and a half years for Udinese, into second and third place respectively.

"It made me sad," said Brazil manager Carlos Alberto Parreira on hearing the news. "It was an act of disrespect to a world champion."

Quotes of the week

"This season is going to run and run, almost till the last day."

- Robbie Earle earns his ITV cheque with another piece of bold punditry.

"He's not getting any older."

- Peter Schmeichel matches Earle and then some over on Radio Five with an observation on Nicky Butt.

"When the golden goal went in it was like doing 10 years in prison and then walking out and getting a smack of a bus."

- Gerry Smith on Colombia's golden-goal winner over his Irish under-20 side on Tuesday.

"It's hard to get real rhythm away and you have to work hard to stand your corner, especially at places like Newcastle where your support is outnumbered by 30,000 zebras."

- David Pleat still clearly suffering the after effects of Saturday's hammering at St James' Park.

"It is like a chef. With good ingredients you can cook anything, a fantastic dinner. I hope I can become the Gordon Ramsey of football. At the moment, Sir Alex is Gordon - I have only one Michelin star whereas he has three."

- Claudio Ranieri prior to his side making a dog's dinner of beating Bolton on Saturday.

"I can't say we've got the best squad in the competition yet. If you ask about the best players, I say yes, we have them. But there is a difference between having the best players and having the best squad. If we were playing tennis, one player against another, it would be different. But football is a team game. The collection of players is great. Having the collection in a museum is another thing to them performing as a team."

- Yep, you guessed it: Ranieri again.