Quotes of the week:"The Board of Management . . . have appointed Giovanni Trapattoni as the next manager of the Republic of Ireland senior international team." - The FAI's statement on Wednesday. Quote of the year? Too right.
"My own view is that we've had enough Irish businessmen investing in the English game and I'm grateful to Denis O'Brien for his decision to invest in the game here. I hope others will follow his example."
- John Delaney says a big hello to everyone at Sunderland.
"Ireland are not a second-rate team, they are supposed to be a first-rate team. Qualifying for the World Cup in 2010 will be hard, and playing against the Italian team will make me proud, but it should be possible for Ireland to come first."
- The Trapattoni man himself. Anyone know any nice hotels in South Africa?
"It's easy to be critical but I really object to it being forced down my throat that we should be singing and dancing. I think this process stinks."
- But Pat Dolan's champagne remains on ice.
"Trapattoni is a fantastic manager . . . but, quite clearly, he's past his best. Otherwise, the top teams in Europe would be after him . . . he's seen us coming . . . he's looking for a payday and he's got it . . . we're supposed to trust this guy because he carries around this bottle of holy water."
- Dolan again.
"I'm not questioning his record. I'm questioning the thinking that this is a great day for Irish football. It is not difficult to get Trapattoni if you pay him that amount of money. I'll tell you - it's a great day for his accountants and his bankers."
- Dolan again.
"The players don't know much about him. There's a special ingredient when you play for Ireland, it's not just about football, football matches. I'm a bit worried."
- Jason McAteer's not dancing in the streets either.
Net majority wish Trap well
We had Babel Fish, the internet translator, working overtime last week as we attempted to find out the Italian reaction on the Gazzetta dello Sport website to Giovanni Trapattoni's appointment. The majority of the comments left by readers of the newspaper were positive, most of them wishing him luck on "the park bench of the Eire", but some were less than generous - not least to our boys.
"Trapattoni's theories seem to me past their time but he can do well with a national team with a simple game like Ireland: long ball and pedalling," said one. Pedalling? On yer bike, Paolo.
Another contributor suggested Trapattoni ("and his old ways") had his work cut out because our boys are "mediocre", that Ireland was a "limited" team with "no stars". "I can imagine already the barricades they will raise when they come to play Italy," said another, suggesting Trapattoni would opt for an "8-1-1" formation.
"Pension, pension, pension," suggested a particularly unkind chap, his thoughts echoed by someone who evidently will never forgive Trapattoni for his reign as Italian manager. "I do not envy Ireland," he said, although we felt his argument weakened somewhat when he said Trapattoni had only achieved "the minimum that should have been won" when he was Juventus manager. Six league titles, one European Cup, two Uefa Cups, the European Cup Winners' Cup, the European Super Cup, the Intercontinental Cup and two Italian Cups? Perhaps, but for us it's a brand new definition of "under-achieving".
Others were much nicer, though, even if a few weren't hugely informed, not least the fella, in hibernation for the last 13 years, who described Jack Charlton as Trapattoni's "most recent predecessor". "IRELAND EMERGENT (remember Greece!)," said a lovely person, "2010 - all in South Africa dressed in green!". Sweet.
Where our Italian-to-English translator setting really struggled was when it hit upon this particular comment: "Céad míle fáilte, Trap!"
Cassano lovin' it in Genoa
It's nice to see things are going well for Antonio Cassano, the often-in-trouble-but-very-gifted Italian forward who is on a year-long loan at Sampdoria from Real Madrid. He admitted last week, though, he had been unenthusiastic about joining the Genoa club, "because I had been told that it was a dead city", but all's well now.
"Instead, however, I discovered that the locals are very friendly and there are lots of nice women around. This latter factor is fundamental for me. Are we allowed women in the build-up before matches? Well you simply have to organise it. You take a room upstairs and then quickly you meet up with them." He's settling in nicely, then.
More quotes of the week
"He's just become rent-a-quote. It's quite extraordinary. This is a sharp, smart, outstanding human being and he's just been sucked into that awful Premier League vacuousness. It's sad to see Roy Keane bullshitting. But there you go. It happens."
- Eamon Dunphy announces the end of the love affair.
"I don't comment on the players that he's bought or where they are in terms of their league position. So I think he should get on with managing Sunderland and stop commenting on a regular basis about the FAI as a form of deflection, in my opinion, from issues that he has."
- Sounds like John Delaney didn't said Keane a Valentine's Day card either.
"Iker Casillas and Raul have both agreed to stay with the club for the rest of their sporting lives. On this day, which is Valentine's Day, Iker, Raul and Real can say they love each other, they need each other, and complement each other and will commit for life."
- But, according to Real Madrid president Ramon Calderon, Iker and Raul exchanged 100 red roses on February 14th.
"He said he didn't mean it and I trust him. My legs were like Scooby-Doo's when Murts picked me up. I couldn't go anywhere. But Carsley's a good lad. It was just one of those things."
- Stephen Hunt forgives Carsley for that Scooby-Doo tackle.
"I've got more points on my licence - I'm not joking."
- Paul Jewell on Derby's points' total.
"There are other more ridiculous things we could have done."
- Premier League chief Richard Scudamore with a less than convincing defence of his support for the proposal for PL clubs to play matches abroad.
"We are clear favourites for this match and we're ready to confirm everyone's predictions. This isn't Celtic or Rangers we're playing."
- Bayern Munich's Willy Sagnol ahead of their UEFA Cup game against Aberdeen. Which they drew 2-2.
Gunners fans beat devils
You might have heard Manchester United fans singing "you're going out with the Scousers" to their Arsenal visitors at Old Trafford on Saturday. Arsenal's reply? "We'll race you back to London." Quality. (Thanks to Johnson).
