Stokes can stop the musicBetween missing the team bus and getting banned from a Sunderland nightclub it's been an eventful few months for Anthony Stokes, who vowed to be on his best behaviour and not to cause his boss any more bother.
So he could probably have done without his angry neighbour ringing the club, demanding to speak to Roy Keane.
According to the Sunday Peoplewhen the woman was told she wouldn't be put through to Keane "she replied in no uncertain terms that if he didn't return her call within the hour she'd be going to the newspapers". So he rang her back 10 minutes later and was told that Stokes was "playing music too loud at all hours of the day".
Two days later the woman received a bunch of flowers and apologies from Keane and the club and, by all accounts, Stokes has been quiet as a mouse ever since. So, eh, presumably, she didn't go to the newspapers after all?
The gaffers:
Under pressure
"I heard all the chants loud and clear, I remember saying sat here a while back that 'Super Mick McCarthy' was only an anagram of 'Mick McCarthy out'. It's a bit like Mark Twain, who thought his dad was a dope and then in three years' time realised how much he'd learned from him. Maybe I've gone the other way and lost something in 12 months. I don't think I have, I still think I know what I'm doing."
- Mick McCarthy, who's enduring chants of "you don't know what you're doing" from Wolves supporters these days.
"I don't want to blame individual players. They tried for me but I was left with what I had inherited. No balance, no system - nothing. I had a midfield so young they should have been in nappies. It was a debacle."
- Leicester manager Ian Holloway sensing there's much work to be done after losing to Southampton in the FA Cup.
"If we'd been here 'til next week we wouldn't have scored."
- Roy Keane salutes Sunderland strikeforce.
"Our fans are quite intelligent and they were saying 'You should be ashamed of yourselves', and I felt like saying: 'You are spot on'."
- Keane again, tempted to join in on chants of 'what a loada rubbish'.
"Why should I? I haven't done anything wrong yet."
- Newcastle manager Sam Allardyce dismissing suggestions he should resign if the team didn't beat Stoke City. The inclusion of "yet" in that sentence is a worry.
Zidane hangs up Spurs myth
It's always a bit disheartening when yarns you hoped were true prove to be nothing but myths, not least the one about Pele getting his name from an Irish missionary nun, who noted his peile ability. Honest, we almost wept when we read the man himself saying he, in fact, got the name as a kid because of the way he pronounced the name of his favourite player, Sao Paulo goalkeeper Bile.
Anyway, former Spurs manager Gerry Francis was probably quite pleased that another myth was busted last week, the one about him rejecting Zinedine Zidane when he was a teenager because he was "too wooden".
When told about the story, Zidane threw a quizzical look at the reporter on hearing the Spurs name, asking "who?". And according to reports his translator then stepped in, apologised and explained: "I don't think he has heard of Tottenham Hotspur." As if Arsenal didn't love the French enough already.
Quotes of the week
"I haven't seen that story. Next to the Martians landing, was it?"
- Reading manager Steve Coppell when asked about reports linking his little green man Kevin Doyle with a move to Chelsea.
"I know the chairman will back me but buying a new player is like getting a puppy for Christmas: you have to make sure it is for the long term and you are doing it for the right reasons."
- Wigan manager Steve Bruce, worried his January buys will end up in the dogs' and cats' home.
"People forget that he is only 23, 24."
- Bruce again, this time on 26-year-old Titus Bramble.
"He's a Londoner, I think, he's right-footed. He's called David. Maybe that's all he's got in common with Becks. And they both like to shave their heads every now and again."
- Roy Keane when asked if he thought Blackburn's David Bentley was similar to the Beckham lad.
"I think I am the only tee-total in the whole Premier League. My team-mates were surprised when I rejected a pint of beer. They were looking at me as if I was an alien."
- Manchester City's Italian striker Rolando Bianchi, sober as a judge.
"Here it is hard for a striker. The referees in Italy call a foul whenever a defender touches you. In England a defender can go over you with a tank and still you won't get a free-kick. I am getting used to it, though."
- Bianchi again, covered in track marks.
Hodgson's Wikipedia ways
When Jeremy Clarkson, guest presenter on Have I Got News For Youa few months back, claimed that "according to our research, Education Secretary Ruth Kelly is the only Chinese ballerina ever to climb Everest" there was, briefly, stunned silence in the studio. Until Clarkson revealed that Wikipedia was the source of the information.
True, Wikipedia isn't always entirely reliable, largely because it can be edited by mischievous types. Like the one who got to work on Roy Hodgson's biography after he was appointed manager of Fulham. The club promptly got in touch with the site and politely asked that they delete the line about Hodgson recently "coming out as a bisexual", because, well, it wasn't true.
Anelka's quick burger gig
If you ever find yourself in a branch of French fast-food chain Quick treat yourself to an "Anelka Burger". And while you're there check in the kitchens to see if Nicolas actually autographs every burger served. Just wondering.
