Today's other stories in brief

Doyle's timely riposte

Half-time on Saturday night and a reporter who shall remain entirely nameless (but we'll narrow it down a bit: he isn't Irish) was still irked by Kevin Doyle's weak effort from long distance in the first half. "Kevin Doyle NEVER scores from 20 yards," he declared, before returning to his seat in the press area. With considerable grace he now accepts it will be his epitaph.

Duff keeps the faith

Spotted walking down a street in Bratislava on Saturday afternoon: an Irish fan with 'Duff' emblazoned across the back of his jersey. We were puzzled then as to why he didn't say as much as a 'howarya' to the man walking towards him. The fan sailed on by, without turning his head. All we could assume the man walking towards him could conclude was: "Jeez, how quickly you're forgotten".

Yes indeed, he was Damien Duff.

Still, the question was asked by many people who spotted himself: how many injured (or fit, for that matter) footballers would make their own way (from Newcastle to Stansted to Bratislava and back) to support their national team?

Nope, we couldn't think of any either.

Quotes of the week

"A win is a win if you win it."

- Steve Staunton after the Slovakia game. Well, he was right.

"I always ask God if it is his will, and if so, then let it be. Whatever comes out of it I will accept it. That's the message I got and that's why I'm here at Hull. My faith comes before anything."

- Jay-Jay Okocha, explaining that God had sent him to Hull City. Janey Jay-Jay, your sins must have been whoppers.

"After games, we generally go out to dinner. At the start of the dinner he starts by asking all about my day and how the children have been. By the middle of dinner he is talking about football and by dessert he has picked up a piece of paper and starts jotting down notes about the team."

- Tami Mourinho on fun evenings out with her husband Jose.

"I like going to nightclubs and discos and try to get rid of my problems through alcohol."

- Well, you have to say one thing for Adriano, he's an honest lad.

"You get the ball in the box, he'll score. He's a fox in the box. He's a little bugger."

- Wigan manager Chris Hutchings pays tribute to Newcastle's Michael Owen. We think.

Taking it to the limit

We salute a chap by the name of Liam for sharing with us a little ditty from a Sunderland match programme from a couple of weeks back. Each programme features a head-to-head quiz between two players, with defender Danny Collins one of the men on the spot this time around. Question: Name the band, formed in 1976, whose members are Paul Hewson, Larry Mullen, Adam Clayton and Dave Evans? Collins: The Eagles.

Welcome to the Hotel Joshua Tree?

More quotes of the week

"They haven't got that player around the box with a bit of guile who can open a can of worms."

- D'you know, at this rate Paul Merson will soon need his own quotes of the week section.

"He rang me one day last week and asked me, 'how do I cook Super Noodles?' I couldn't believe it - especially as it says 'boil for two minutes' on the front of the packet."

- Cheryl Cole revealing that the only thing her beloved Ashley has in common with Gordon Ramsay is that he's not widely loved.

"I live from grass, you know, and I'm happy when I'm on grass."

- Arsene Wenger, who, after signing his new contract, will be grazing around north London for another few years yet.

"You watch James Bond and you think, 'why don't they just kill him when they've got the upper hand'? But they never do and ultimately James Bond always comes back to bite them, and we did that."

- Lawrie Sanchez reflects on Fulham's 007-007 draw with Spurs.

"He's not playing for Newcastle for the money but because he loves football and the club.

- As the Guardian so elegantly put it of this quote: "Steven Taylor's father, just after his son had rejected a new five-year contract because, yep, he wasn't offered enough money".

Fan fails to toe line

Riverdance has proved to be an international phenomenon spreading this nation's fame far and wide. Naturally, then, when Irish men venture abroad they like to show it's not just Michael Flatley who has mastered the one-two-three, we're a nation of twinkle-toed devils.

One Irish football fan who appeared to have had a very good day in Bratislava on Friday, evidently couldn't stop himself from Riverdancing across his hotel lobby when he heard a pianist tinkling his ivories in the corner. Except . . . he tripped and there followed a succession of loud crashes as a catastrophic domino effect sent most of the lobby decorations tumbling to the floor.

The hotel management was so concerned about his well-being (mercifully he's grand, just a bit bruised) they presented him with a bill for three smashed vases.

Let's just say, there weren't too many Óles out of him for the rest of the evening.

No laughing matter

The London Evening Standardgot wind of an unfortunate happening at Spurs' training ground last week, when a supporter asked a security guard if he could get a few of the players to sign his shirt. The guard duly brought it to the players, who began scrawling.

When the excited fan was presented with the autographed jersey he might have wondered whether (a) Martin Jol had made two more wacky signings or (b) at least one Spurs player is an unpleasant sort. The signatures? 'Mickey Mouse' and 'Donald Duck'.