PLANET FOOTBALL: Before leaving Baghdad for Germany last week, Iraq's football manager, German Bernd Stange, insisted he would remain in his post and continue preparing his team for the Olympic qualifying match against Vietnam in April. "I am determined to stay on," he said, "my players are among the fittest men in the country and will certainly be among the first to be recruited in the army, but even if we lose some of the players in the fighting, I'm determined to field 11 players."
Away from home
Pub-quiz masters, add this one to your collection: what have Gerry Daly (April 1986), Keith O'Neill (June 1996) and Kevin Kilbane (February 2003) got in common? Yep, they scored the first goals of Jack Charlton, Mick McCarthy and Brian Kerr's reigns as senior Republic of Ireland managers. Those of you under-10 won't remember Daly, those of you over 30 will now be reminiscing fondly. Mind you, those of us under-10 and over-30, and everyone else in between, are having trouble remembering Keith O'Neill at this stage.
For Ian Harte and Gary Breen it proved to be a pleasant evening's distraction from their club woes, with Breen telling the Daily Telegraph that "I love being in a team that's organised as opposed to what's at home," a tribute, we took it, to what they loosely describe as the West Ham "defence". As for Harte? "Ah, he's done really well there - and he's not renowned for his defending," as Jim Beglin put it, indelicately, on RTÉ on Wednesday.
A happy start, then, at the expense of the Scots. It would seem that Neil Sullivan's performance in goal (particularly his, err, role in Clinton Morrison's goal) didn't go down too well in Scotland last week. Over to you Tam Cowan (Scottish Daily Record columnist): "Just our luck, eh? Despite the fact there's been a massive military cordon in place at Heathrow Airport all week, Neil Sullivan still managed to make it up from Tottenham." Poor lad.
Don't mention the war
Once he got home? "My job as Iraqi national coach is at an end. My players will be called up to the army in the next few days. I am bitterly disappointed that politics can find no other way than lobbing bombs on my footballers." Indeed.
Up to Speed
Brian Kerr might have lost the services of one midfielder last week but, according to Reuters before the game against Scotland, he'd gained another - once he's fit again. "New manager Kerr will be without, Robbie Keane, Damien Duff (and) Newcastle United midfielder Gary Speed" due to injury. "Newcastle have requested that Gary doesn't play because he has sore shins," said Kerr. No he didn't. Reuters corrected the report, perhaps soon after Wales manager Mark Hughes issued Kerr with a "hands off" warning.
Dennis the menace
Inetresting article in the Guardian last week on Newcastle youngster Jermaine Jenas, in which it was revealed that because he was born after the 1982 World Cup his Da wanted him christened Zico. "He got talked out of it," said Jenas, "it probably saved me from a lot of stick at school." True, but his Da, of all people, should know about bearing the cross that is a silly name. And his Da is? Dennis Jenas.
Quotes of the week
"We are not a big footballing nation any more. I'd love to watch my players in games between Manchester United and Arsenal, but instead I have to travel to see Bristol City versus Wigan."
- Berti Vogts, enjoying life as Scotland supremo.
"Roberto Carlos is much more than just a left back, he's a left midfielder, he's a wing back, he's . . . given the ball away."
- Sky Sports' Gerry Armstrong, as heard by Dangerhere.com during a commentary on Real Madrid's game last weekend.
"The first-half performance by England's regulars reflected the absence of patriotism in their commanding officer. They should have known better than to give this peculiarly English job to a foreigner, any foreigner in the first place."
- Jeff Powell (Daily Mail), at it again.
"Kanga Poo."
- The Sun's verdict on events at Upton Park last Wednesday.
"There are people who placed bets on Roy Keane never playing for Ireland again. If I were the bookies, I wouldn't pay out just yet."
- And who is hinting that Roy Keane might, after all, play for Ireland again? Well, Roy Keane (Sunday Times).
Sir, Australia has taught the French how to make wine and the English how to play football. What remains? Yours faithfully, Chris Easingwood.
- Letter in the London Times.
"Stand up if you can see the ball."
- Northern Ireland supporters (and not Sammy McIlroy's front two), in the fog at Windsor Park last week.
Dirty linen in public
We were intrigued by the headline "Riise's Hell - Family Under Guard After Anthrax Alert" in the Sun last week. Turns out that the family of Liverpool's John Arne Riise's family is at the centre of a hate campaign after his mother, Berit, a football agent, alleged that the chairman of the local club sexually harassed her. She made the allegation live on Norwegian television and promptly received an envelope containing white powder in the post. Mercifully, it turned out to be Persil Automatic, or such like, rather than anthrax.
Berit claims that her accusations against Aalesund's Ivar Morten Normark resulted in her other son, Bjorn, being denied a move from the club to Cardiff. "Normark came up with several juicy remarks of a sexual character," she said. "I felt it offensive that the man running my son's team felt he could say these things to me."
Normark owned up, kind of. "I said to Berit that her reputation was not so good. When I signed to coach this club the first thing my friends asked was had I met her and the second thing they asked was had I had sex with her yet." Delightful.
More quotes of the week
"Maybe it's not his best foot, obviously."
- Alex Ferguson explaining why Ryan Giggs missed an open goal on Saturday, obviously.
"For their goal, I didn't see it. Pearcey has lost a bit of weight and if his arse was bigger it would have gone wide."
- David James blaming Ian Pearce's shrinking bottom for West Ham's defensive woes.
"Despite what some people have said, this isn't going to be an easy game. I've gone on record as saying Real Madrid would struggle to look good against them."
- Sheffield United manager Neil Warnock before Saturday's FA Cup game against . . . Walsall.
"I thought John McCarthy was having an absolute stinker. It was only when I was going to take him off that I was told he had been sent off five minutes earlier."
- Carlisle United manager Roddy Collins (Dangerhere.com).
"I love Gary because he has a special role in the team - he is the one who organises everything for the players and their wives."
- Ruud van Nistelrooy on Gary Neville.
Trunk call
Juventus fans invade their training ground when they're not happy with their team, Barcelona supporters wave white hankies in the air. What about Roberto, a devotee of struggling Brazilian side Corinthians? He has climbed up a tree outside the club's ground, tied himself to it and vowed not to come down until changes are made to team personnel and tactics. He has brought a supply of bananas with him, to keep him going, and flings the skins at the club door when he's finished with them. "We will not respond to this extortion," said an angry club spokesman, before breaking his leg on one of Robert's banana skins. No he didn't, but Roberto keeps hoping .
