"We won the double for them last season and we will see what happens this time. If you eat caviar every day it is difficult to come back to sausages."

- Arsene Wenger hits back at jeering Arsenal fans, who object to the diet of bangers they're being fed on this season.

"Brian Kidd will leave Manchester United over my dead body."

- United chairman Martin Edwards, speaking last Monday. Kidd left for Blackburn on Thursday. Mr Edwards will be sadly missed, ish.

"We're absolutely delighted to have Duncan Shearer at St James's Park."

- Newcastle United chief executive Freddie Fletcher appears to reveal the club has paid £8 million for Inverness Caledonian Thistle's 36-year-old striker, Duncan Shearer. They say he's a cross between Duncan Ferguson and Alan Shearer. Sounds like a good deal.

"At 31 I realise I still have some good things below my feet."

- David Ginola. Who else?

"Manchester United are reported to have made a $16.6 billion bid for the Japanese striker Hidetoshi Nakata."

- BBC Ceefax headline on Thursday afternoon. Now, we know Rupert Murdoch's keen on boosting his television interests in Japan but SURELY offering $16.6 BILLION for a Japanese player is a bit over-enthusiastic? (Billion was corrected to million on Friday morning. Phew).

"It's an absolute joke and it's very sad indeed. When I said the lads had a few quid on us I was talking about friends of mine - NOT the players."

- Wimbledon manager Joe Kinnear, denying categorically that any of his players bet on themselves winning the League Cup.(see below)

"We would like to win this competition for Joe Kinnear, not just for ourselves, even though some of the lads had a flutter on us at 66-1."

- Wimbledon midfielder Robbie Earle, confirming categorically that some of his team-mates bet on themselves winning the League Cup. (see above).

"I do drugs and a lot of sex."

- Dennis Bergkamp, countering criticism that he's boring, reveals his humorous side in Match of the Day magazine. He was being funny, wasn't he?

"I've told Ginola to keep it simple. Why? Because he's French."

- George Graham boosts Anglo-Franco relations at White Hart Lane.

"He said that I was a poof. I said if there is one thing that I'm not, it's a poof. He said, `okay then, show me'."

- Leeds' Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink reflecting fondly on the motivational skills used by George Graham during his time at Elland Road.

"We did offer Brian Kidd more money. We offered him a substantial package to stay at Old Trafford."

- Manchester United chairman Martin Edwards, speaking on Friday. (see below)

"There was no salary increase offered to me, nor was there any sought."

- Brian Kidd, speaking on Saturday. (see above)