"Thank God He Wasn't Conceived In Peckham." Headline in the Daily Mirror on Saturday, referring to David Beckham and Posh Spice's decision to name their baby "Brooklyn", in honour of the location where he was conceived. Mind you, if they'd had a weekend away in Louth he could be Termonfeckin Beckham now.

"This has topped everything off, but you can't compare football and having a baby."

So said new Dad Beckham on Thursday. He was right too, Nothing is more important than football. (That's what he meant, wasn't it?).

"10,000/1 on being sent off while playing football for England against Argentina." Odds quoted by bookies William Hill on Brooklyn Beckham's future.

"The groin's been a little sore but I've put it to the back of my head."

Wimbledon's Michael Hughes sticks his groin behind his ear and carries on playing.

"The subordinate animal shows its backside to appease the dominant creature."

Anthropologist Desmond Morris, quoted in the London Times, analyses Robbie Fowler's actions in thrusting his bottom in Graeme Le Saux's direction.

"Anything but Lassie or Flipper."

Vinnie Jones's on his preferred next acting role.

"He is making a mess of the talent they've got. They should give the job to me."

Egil Olsen, manager of Valerenga, assesses Gianluca Vialli's performance as Chelsea manager on the eve of their quarter-final at Stamford Bridge.