"If the fourth official had done his job correctly it wouldn't have happened . . . but I don't want to blame anyone."

- Tranmere manager John Aldridge after Saturday's FA Cup fiasco (when a sub was allowed to replace a sent-off player).

"The young striker was on a night out with his girlfriend Don Hutchison and his wife when he was arrested for being drunk and disorderly."

- Spot the "missing" comma in this Internet report on the a rrest of Everton's Francis Jeffers on New Year's Eve.

"People say I am an unhappy person, but I can't help my face."

- Real Madrid's Nicolas Anelka.

"If I walked down the street with a hankie on my head and wearing a Tahitian skirt, people would point at me and laugh."

- Yes, they would, Jimmy Greaves.

"English - you created soccer but we teach you how to play it."

- Vasco de Gama banner spotted at the Maracana in Rio last week.

"Pretty, but flawed".

- Rio paper Jornal do Brasil gives their verdict on David Beckham.