"We could send them up the River Liffey on a tug boat or something but what's the point? I'm not into that stuff."

- Mick McCarthy resists the temptation of issuing a Dublin "Welcome to Hell" invitation to the footballers of Turkey ahead of the Euro 2000 play-off.

"I personally think referees should be wired up to a couple of electrodes and they should be allowed to make three mistakes before you run 50,000 volts through their genitals."

- Aston Villa manager John Gregory comes up with a plan to improve the form of Premiership referees.

"What have the Germans got to offer? Kraftwerk?!"

- An anonymous English FA "insider" dismisses Germany's World Cuphosting bid on musical grounds, while Chris de Burgh entertained FIFA's six-man World Cup-hosting bid inspection team at a London hotel last week. Kraftwerk v Chris de Burgh? We're saying nothing, but we're very tempted.

"Don't start telling me that boy from Liverpool is world class."

- Jack Charlton speaks his mind. (Incidentally, the "boy" whose name he couldn't remember is Michael Owen).