SO YOU happen to be a member of the dawn patrol at Deer Park. And you can honestly claim to have endured all manner of outrageous fortune in pursuit of a game which holds you captive. But does this make you a bona fide golf fanatic? Perhaps among your peers here in this fair land, but internationally, the competition is fierce.
Like, for instance, at the Mission Bay golf centre in San Francisco. Kevin Mergardt, director of the golf school there, recalls a rather special happening during a recent storm, one that burst 14 river banks and sent wind and rain slashing horizontally across the sky.
"Even when the sky turned black in mid afternoon and anything lighter than a car was being lifted and thrown across the street, the golfers stood their ground," he said. "During the worst of it, seven or eight of them remained on the range. One guy bought a bucket and then came back for a second, and a third...
"When I looked out, he was standing on the putting green, practising his putts in the driving rain. He even lit a cigarette, how I'll never know. We've had people drive out here when the whole area has been completely flooded and when you tell them you're closed, they just say "Oh," like they don't understand why."
The range opened its doors four years ago and Dan Ruble, who oversees the day to day operations, said: "The weirdness of our patrons doesn't stop with the storms. At the end of the day, you'll find clubs out on the range. People get angry at themselves, fling their clubs and just walk away. We have quite a collection."
According to Ruble, dedicated golfers laugh at storms. Indeed, despite some of the most horrendous conditions imaginable, there has been only one quiet day in his experience of Mission Bay. It happened on the occasion of the 1995 Super Bowl between San Diego and the San Francisco 49ers.
"There was just this one guy," he said. "I thought he might like to hear the score, so I put the game on the speaker. Finally, he comes to the window and says `I can't get away from that damn Super Bowl, no matter where I go.' And he stomped off.
"I think to myself, `these people are crazy.' But you've got to love em." Ruble concluded: "Myself and the staff stand here and we scratch our heads. We know we're staying open for those last, lost souls. Golfers! God bless em."
"This team could very easily have five, six, seven or even eight layers in their twenties. It has the potential to be the youngest team we've ever assembled." US skipper, Tom Kite, talking about his prospective Ryder Cup line up.
IT was Mary McKenna who introduced me to Jessie Valentine, a remarkably gifted player who celebrates her 82nd birthday, on Tuesday. She and Mary became good friends from their first meeting in 1971 when, at the request of Curtis Cup colleague Dinah Oxley they played an exhibition match at her club, West Byfleet.
"Dinah's mother was lady captain of West Byfleet at the time and I remember Jessie and me were both presented with the lovely gift of a pen with the inscription `WBGC'," recalled Mary this week. "I can't remember who won the match. The important thing is that Jessie has been a smashing friend since then."
Ms Valentine was immensely proud of having become the first player to make a record seven Curtis Cup appearances which, of course, Ms McKenna later surpassed. "She had more reason than most, to value the friendships we made with our American opponents" recalled the Dubliner.
It seems that Jessie's husband, George, became a prisoner of war during World War II. And on hearing of his plight, American golfing friends of his wife took the trouble to send him food parcels. "That experience gave the Curtis Cup a special meaning for her," said Ms McKenna.
An older Irish generation will recall that Ms Valentine lost to Philomena Garvey in the 1957 final of the British Women's Championship. But she returned the following year to win the title for a third time at the then record age of 43 years and three months, a target later beaten by compatriot Belle Robertson.
She was a Scottish international from 1934 to 1958, a sequence that was broken in 1959 when she became one of the first British players to turn professional.
A 20 year old Limerick golfer, Mark Feane, expressed disappointment to me this week at having failed to get into the West of Ireland Championship, because the cut off was a surprisingly low 2.4 handicap (exact). Pat Ruddy might have been listening to the youngster's tale of woe.
As quickly as you could say "European Club", Ruddy had sent me a fax outlining details of a new event. The inaugural European Challenge Cup, to be played you know where over the Easter weekend, will cater for 150 players with a minimum handicap of 2.5 (exact).
After 18 holes of strokeplay qualifying, the top 16 will go through to matchplay over the following two days. An entrance fee of £25 should be sent to The European Club. Nice one, Pat.
A growing number of tournament professionals have made it known that they are hoping Gregg Norman will compensate for his disaster of last year by winning the US Masters at Augusta National next month. And Des Smyth is one of them.
The Drogheda man explained: "I happen to think that Greg is a terrific guy. He has certainly been extremely friendly and kind to me over the years." An example of that kindness occurred in 1985 when, as Irish Professional champion, Smyth gained a special invitation to the Spalding Tournament at Carmel Valley and Pebble Beach.
"Having missed the cut, I went out to watch Greg play the finishing holes," he said. "And on seeing me, he immediately came over, shook my hand and enquired how I was and why I was there.
"Eventually, I told him I was staying in California for another week with some friends. Whereupon he took keys out of his pocket and said `I've a house - out here that I'm not using. It's yours for as long as you want it.' As it happened, I had made other arrangements, but the gesture was typical of the man."
Given the weekend that's in it, I thought I should remind you that the great Bobby Jones was born on St Patrick's Day, 1902. And he would go on to achieve such a reputation as a competitor that Bernard Darwin was prompted to write: "Like the man in the song, many of Mr Jones's opponents are tired of living and feared of dying. However, their fears are rarely unduly protracted since they usually die very soon after lunch."
I am also reminded of this little verse from the December 1932 issue of "Golfing. I've never had a hole in one ... To figure in the golfing news . . . The scores I keep are just for fun ...The 10s more frequent than the twos ... But, I, on principle, refuse . .. To ape the styles of better men . .. I'll swing my clubs just how I choose ... Don't mention Bobby Jones again.
When he died in December 1971 after a long illness, a fitting epitaph was written by Herbert Warren Wind: "As a young man he was able to stand up to just about the best that life can offer, which is not easy, and later he stood up, with equal grace, to just about the worst."
IN BRIEF: Johnny Packham of Open Fairways informs me that his company's golf directory now offers more than 230 complementary green fees at 85 premier Irish venues. In addition, half price accommodation is available at 40 leading hotels. Details from: (0801247)471277 . .. Chateau Elan, home of the Sarazen World Open near Atlanta, will be celebrating St Patrick's Day with the opening of an Irish Pub in the complex, promising "Irish music, Irish dancing, Irish food and plenty of Irish cheer." . .. Former soccer international John Giles will be at Druids Glen next Thursday for the launch of the St Cronan's School Diamond Golf Classic... Maura McEvoy tells me that St Louis Past Pupils GS will have their annual outing at Castle GC on April 14th.
TEASER: The top of a ball in a hazard is covered by leaves so that it is not visible when the player addresses it. However, a portion of the ball is visible from another angle. Is it permissible for the player to remove enough leaves to see the ball when addressing it?
ANSWER: No. A player is entitled to remove loose impediments covering a ball in a hazard only if the ball is not visible from any angle.
