Caddie for a day: John O'Sullivan hit the dunes in west Clare to learn the noble art of caddying

The premise was simple. Travel to Doonbeg. Examine the caddie programme now in its second year. Undergo abbreviated, intensive instruction. Be unleashed on an unsuspecting golfer as a bone fide looper.

There were no obvious pitfalls. How difficult could it be to carry a golf bag, advise on yardage, read the odd putt and generally perform some light course housekeeping that incorporated ball and club cleaning and bunker raking. A working knowledge of golf etiquette should have underpinned what appeared to be a facile and ostensibly enjoyable assignment. Wrong.

Any preconceptions were quickly swept aside under the regimen of a training programme that comes under the auspices of CaddieMaster Enterprises Incorporated, an American company out of Pinehurst, North Carolina.

They are contracted to train the caddies at the Greg Norman-designed west Clare links as they do at other golfing meccas like Kiawah Island, Pebble Beach, Augusta National and Whistling Strait, ministering to 36 courses. Doonbeg is one of only two courses outside of the United States in which they operate.

Andy Pearson, a 31-year-old originally from upstate New York, was seconded from his Kiawah Island base where he was an assistant manager for three years to oversee the training programme at Doonbeg. The two golf clubs share the same ownership and this facilitated the venture. "The installation time is 45 days, minimum, especially for a programme of this size."

Pearson's popularity in the Doonbeg community is directly proportionate to the number of vacancies he can muster in the caddie programme. The phone in his office is rarely silent as he fields inquiries from not alone caddies, seasoned and novice, but parents hoping to inveigle summer work for offspring.

The tiny village doesn't harbour enough potential recruits so Pearson trawled parishes further afield. "We placed an advertisement in the local newspaper looking for the caddies. It was the most obvious avenue to recruit, irrespective of venue.

"Then it is simply the training. In this case, it was an existing programme so you come in and re-train the caddies, show them exactly what you're looking for and the standards expected." CaddieMaster has specific methods.

Mike Granuzzo founded the company 12 years ago on St Patrick's Day. A former caddie he noticed the discrepancy in the quality of service offered by caddies from venue to venue no matter how prestigious. Everyone in the company has been a looper at one point. Pearson's recruitment was pretty much par for the course. "I was working up in western New York and had enough of the cold winters. I was going to move down south to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I saw the ad in a newspaper, figured I didn't have a job at the time that I wanted to keep and that it might be something I'd like. Unfortunately the account at Myrtle Beach was discontinued after six or seven months.

"It got to the point where I didn't want to get out of the company. All the guys are young energetic, hardworking. I figured I'd do a little bit of travelling. It created a great opportunity to do that. I went from Myrtle Beach up to the DC area to a club called Columbia Country club, then Palm Desert in California for a winter. From there I was promoted into management and went up to Seaview in New Jersey for three months. Then it was on to Kiawah where I settled for three and a half years prior to being offered the opportunity to come here last year.

"The whole idea for me to come over was to train someone to take over from myself. Since we've been here we've created a lot of jobs including three of four trainers. We're going to have a couple of managers taking over the programme so we're going to be 100 per cent Irish next year as far as management."

When Pearson leaves in October, Mark Wade will assume the responsibility for the programme. A son of Waterford, he met and married Jacqueline - she originally hailed from Doonbeg - in Boston before returning to west Clare.

The affable 33-year-old was an obvious choice according to Pearson.

"He showed he could handle the caddying part of it. That's the first step. Mark's the type of guy that all the caddies respected. Caddies aren't generally complimentary without reason. You want the managers to be the better caddies. Mark lives in Doonbeg. It's a good fit that he's from the village and going to run the program."

It would be Wade who would oversee this novitiate caddie. But first there had to be an appraisal of what the average young man or woman - both are included in the programme - had to undergo to try and earn official recognition. All those who successfully graduate are certified by the PCA (Professional Caddies Association) in America.

Pearson explained: "Training is going to last a minimum of five sessions. Depending on golf knowledge it could take a couple of days longer. On top of that we have an hour and a half interview and that is actually a second interview because the first one is conducted over the phone. There is a specific set of questions to be answered, discerning golfing knowledge before a candidate can move onto stage two.

"Everybody for the most part is trainable. Golf knowledge is a must, coming into it. We do a phone interview; ask them not only about their golf background but their work background. I like to find people that have worked in customer service in the past. It seems to help out a lot more in that situation. Appearance is very important. We have standards that are applied rigorously.

"I have a can of shaving foam and a razor in the drawer here. It's important to look neat and tidy. You look for people who you'd want to spend four hours with. We have two good chances to evaluate the person prior to them coming in here. The first impression's big. I'd judge them as if you I was a golfer meeting them for the first time."

Caddies may come in all shapes and sizes but there is a uniformity spawned by the mandatory white boiler-suit, predominately white runners, Doonbeg cap complete with name tag and customised waterproofs that the loopers must wear.

It doesn't matter whether you're Martin, a 19-year-old fresh-faced teenager, whose swapped the regimen of army life for that of a caddie or Hughie Benn, a legend in the ranks whose experience pre-dates the structured Americanisation of the programme and who, when not traipsing up and down the dunes, can be found playing music in nearby Lahinch.

It was time to further my education and begin to unravel those preconceptions. The first item on the agenda was to view a one-hour video, a kind of, 'the correct and the crass' snapshot of the dos and fonts of being a caddie. To the uninitiated the video contains a great deal on information, while to those who have played the sport, it's less forbidding.

The training schedule normally takes five to seven sessions, about a week. I would get a three-hole walk through under the critical glare of Pearson and then the following morning would be assigned a bag. The training incorporates a five-step programme, broken down in Pre-round, Post-round, Teeing area, To the Green and The Green.

There is a fair bit to assimilate down to the correct way to remove and hold a flagstick - thumb facing down, material gathered in four fingers, flag clutched to the chest - and there is a clearly defined way of doing the job.

That was probably the most unsettling aspect. It wasn't about what I would expect as a golfer of my caddie but what the programme demanded of me.

Having initially relished the prospect and craved the colour of being a bagman for a fourball of brash, trash-talking, cigar-chewing New Yorkers, by the end of my abridged training I was quietly relieved that along with Mark Wade I would be attending to a husband and wife two-ball, Americans Pat and Marge Brady. Caddying no longer seemed a mere bagatelle.

My bag was due to tee off at 10.0am but I was in the club two hours earlier, restless and slightly anxious. I busied myself with trying to learn the hole descriptions - every caddie is expected to offer an overview on each tee box - and checking the pin placements. It was time to don the white boiler-suit and waterproofs, get my cap and nametag, stuff my pockets with tees, markers, pitch mark repairers, a scorecard and pencils and greet the person whom I was expected to safely steer around the links. Caddies are responsible for the pace of play.

I had asked Andy what made a good caddie from his experiences having toted a bag for US Tour player Loren Roberts, Arnold Palmer and celebrities like American football icons John Elway and Dan Marino and sundry American industry heavy hitters. "The ability to read the needs and wants of your player. Some people need everything done for them, some just need yardage, cleaning and keeping them going.

"Some guys just get a caddie for the talk, the craic the camaraderie. The ability to recognise when somebody's gonna need everything or just a few things makes the difference between a good caddie and a great one. Heads of business are more entertaining, celebrities more standoffish. It's fun to be in control out there and make the decisions. You're looking at a guy who has got 300,000 employees and he's letting you pick a seven or eight iron for him. The golf course is your office."

It was time to be introduced to Pat and Marge, a retired couple from Connecticut. I hadn't called anyone sir since my schooldays but that or Mister is the preferred greeting unless otherwise indicated. While our players hit the range and Mark and I got down to a little CCA (Clean, Count, Arrange).

Cleaning is self explanatory, Counting is required so that there is no discrepancy in the number and numbers of the clubs in a given bag and Arranging refers to placing the woods and putter at the back of the bag, grouping the mid-irons together and the wedges at the front. Mr Brady had seven woods, thereby inviting a little interpretation on my part.

On our way to the first tee Pat smiled: "I have only one rule. We don't look for golf balls." Wearing glasses and with the wind freshening and the rain threatening I offered a silent prayer of thanks. The first hole at Doonbeg is a 544 yard, par five from the white tees. It is 246 yards to reach the fairway bunker on the left.

As I chanted these statistics Pat was peering into the distance. It's important to know what ball your player is playing: we lost our first of the day on the second shot of the opening hole. It was a Titleist 3 for the record.

Ever the dutiful caddie I had to clean clubs while walking ahead, work out the yardage, return to my player, stand one yard to the side and one yard behind (One and One) my player - if the bag fell it wouldn't disturb the ball - and tilt the bag allowing him to choose a club. The only time I was allowed to hand him a club was the putter after he put his ball on the green.

The caddie is supposed to clean a player's ball after he marks it on a green while at the same time reading the putt in case he's asked. Pat never marked his ball, except once, as panic stricken I hovered like a mother hen.

On that occasion I also read the putt, a ball outside the left lip. He holed it. I was chuffed as I felt like a proper caddie. It was the high point on a day when I made far more errors than my golfer.

I failed to notice that the bag strap was not hooked correctly until an elastic cord broke and mortified I covertly reattached the strap. Pat suffered from a bad back as a result put a rubber suction cup on the end of his putter to facilitate lifting the ball out of the hole.

Walking to the second green I realised that it had come off his putter and now languished at the bottom of the bag. It necessitated the curious sight of my left arm buried in the golf bag up to my shoulder. I just stopped short of emptying everything out onto the fairway to get it back.

Pat asked me if the fifth hole was the index one to which I fibbed, not knowing, that it was. Twenty five minutes later when walking the par five eighth, Mark innocently unmasked my deception by pointing out that the hole was ranked the toughest on the course.

On two occasions Pat waited patiently on a tee box while oblivious I stood there with his golf ball in my hand. Mr Brady was a gentle man as well as a gentleman and very interesting company, which was something of a distraction.

A former president of Viacom international - a company owns CBS and MTV amongst others - he told good jokes, was very well informed about sport and took what appeared to be a genuine interest in my future career path. For the purposes of the deception I was supposed to be studying journalism: his perceptive questions drew increasingly monosyllabic answers as I feared discovery.

Soaked and encumbered by an increasingly eccentric and erratic caddie, Pat called to his wife that they would bring a halt to the round after the ninth hole, one hour and 14 minutes after setting out. Doonbeg charges €35 per caddie per round and recommends a tip. Pat was generous considering the dubious merit of his looper.

I gave the tip to Mark and the fee will guarantee a few raised glasses to Pat and Marge in the caddy shack. The experience guaranteed a new found respect for caddies and the confirmation that I'm not about to join their happy band. It's better to be outside that particular loop.