Remember last week we told you about farmer Russell Tiffin abandoning an English amateur match he was refereeing because he was so upset when the crowd began chanting "we hope your farm gets foot-and-mouth" after he sent off a player? Well, we much prefer this version of the same story, one we found on a Brazilian website (futbrasil.com) and one we attempted to translate from Portuguese to English using another website, Babel Fish.

"Everything went upper-class for game of an inferior division of the English soccer, until the arbitrator of the start, a known agriculturist as Mr Tiffin, banished a player from the teams from the house. The fans, knowing of his occupation extra field, had started to cry out that he caught the aftosa fever, illness that is epidemic enters the animals in Grain-Britain. Mr Tiffin did not resist and fell down in tears. He informed the two teams that he would not have emotional conditions to continue whistling the start." Magnificent.