No player can deliver sarcasm with as much feeling as Colin Montgomerie. So, it was a real treat to be at Sawgrass yesterday as he attempted to come to terms with very late and very early starting times in the first two rounds of the Players' Championship.
Given a choice, what tee-times would he most desire? "Definitely 12.10 and 7.20 would be the times I'd pick," he said with all the conviction he could muster. "And of course, I've been lucky enough to get them here. I'm very fortunate this week."
Warming to the subject, this man of infinite jest went on: "Last week was much better, going off last. The greens were much, much better off last. And I got fortunate there, too."
Though the Scot clearly felt victimised, there was no evidence of the organisers conspiring against him. For instance, Phil Mickelson, the current world number two and one of the home favourites, arguably has an even worse draw than the Scot, with starts of 12.30 and 7.40.
There was a time when Montgomerie would be the automatic leader of Europe's challenge in an event such as this. No more. Among the line-up of 15 Europeans is Jesper Parnevik, winner of the Honda Classic two weeks ago, and Lee Westwood, Montgomerie's successor as leader of the Order of Merit.
The Europeans are: Thomas Bjorn, Darren Clarke, Nick Faldo, Edward Fryatt, Sergio Garcia, Padraig Harrington, Miguel Angel Jimenez, Bernhard Langer, Paul Lawrie, Montgomerie, Jose Maria Olazabal, Parnevik, Jean Van de Velde, Westwood and Ian Woosnam. Volvo Masters winner, Pierre Fulke, withdrew.
It seems strange that Sandy Lyle in 1987 has been the only European winner of this tournament, especially since it has been played on the Stadium Course every year since 1982. Where the US Masters has been concerned, familiarity with the course has been highlighted as a key element in European success at Augusta National.
"I don't accept that the greens are firmer here," said Westwood. "I can remember on the Thursday at Augusta when Mark O'Meara won (1998), you couldn't hold the 17th green. Scores were in the high 70s because the greens were so firm."
The Englishman went on: "That theory doesn't work. Nor does the one about the fairways at Augusta being wide open. I don't think there's a player in the world - certainly any of the players in this field - who doesn't hit the ball reasonably straight."
Westwood is clearly entitled to his view. But I would see considerable relevance in the fact that Olazabal, a notoriously fragile driver of the ball and the winner of two Masters titles, has missed three cuts and achieved only one top-10 finish - tied ninth in 1992 - in eight visits to Sawgrass. And compatriot Seve Ballesteros, another double Masters winner, missed four cuts in nine visits here between 1982 and 1994, when he was a dominant figure elsewhere.
As it happens, Westwood has additional concerns right now. His wife Laurae is expecting their first child before the Masters gets under way on April 2nd and he has decided to withdraw from Augusta if the call comes.
Yet he insisted: "It's quite easy, really, to separate yourself from everything for four and a half hours each day. But I am ready to go home on the first available flight." He has set himself a deadline of the Sunday night of Masters week and if the baby hasn't arrived by then he won't compete.
The more seasoned among us hadn't the heart to warn him that first arrivals are generally late. That, on top of the impending challenge, hardly seemed fair.