Scotland have dazzled precious few opponents in recent years but can be guaranteed to startle the New Zealand Maoris at Murrayfield today. Whoever approved the home side's tasteless new "mandarin" change jerseys should be made to lie down in a darkened room. By the end of next week all those connected with Scottish rugby may feel like doing much the same.
Dipping the venerable thistle in a pot of marmalade is one thing; ending up as a light snack for a visiting non-Test team would be much worse. With the Springboks also on the horizon, few would dispute it is not just the credibility of sporting fashion designers which currently hangs by a thread. "A November to Remember" may not seem such a great slogan by the time the Maoris and South Africans have departed.
The Maoris look ominously buoyant having run in 11 tries against Edinburgh Reivers in midweek and their coach Matt Te Pou is pressing all the right psychological buttons. "We'd like to see 15 Maoris go as All Blacks to the World Cup and if people play well against Scotland, they will have the chance. We believe we should be the preferred supplier to the All Blacks; we have tradition behind us, 110 years of history. New Zealand A has been around about 10 days."
The England side beaten 62-14 by the Maoris last summer agree with him. Scotland's number eight Eric Peters, having consulted his Bath colleagues, could only offer depressing intelligence. "They all said they were the best side they faced on the whole trip. South Africa are the best in the world at the moment, but the Maoris are probably in the top four."
Today's side boasts five All Blacks, four of them in the backs, plus Kees Meeuws at prop. The strategy of Scotland's coach Jim Telfer rests on not allowing the visiting half-backs "the armchair ride" they enjoyed against the Reivers. No caps are on offer but good performances should facilitate full debuts against South Africa.
Martin Leslie, son of the former All Black captain Andy Leslie, is among the Scottish substitutes with Lions Armstrong, Tait and Weir, all clad in the garish tracksuits which have been so delighting local wags.
"Everyone keeps dumping cones in the back of my car," grimaced the team manager Arthur Hastie. Telfer, typically, is unconcerned. "It's what's inside the jersey that matters, not what colour it is," he growled this week. Maybe, but his side must know they will awake tomorrow to either a tangerine dream or a squashy mess.
SCOTLAND: Lee; Stanger, Mayer, Shepherd, Murray; Townsend, Redpath; Smith, Bulloch, Burnell, Murray, Grimes, Wainwright, Pountney, Peters. Replacements: Tait, Hodge, Armstrong, Leslie, Weir, Hilton, Brotherstone.
NZ MAORIS: Cashmore; Reihana, Ralph, Gibson, Berryman; Brown, Duggan; Lidgard, McFarland, Meeuws, Maxwell, Coe, Flavell, Marsh, Muir. Replacements: R MacDonald, Osborne, Akurangi, Feek, Makiri, Cribb.
