Planet Rugby: It didn't take long for the jokes to start flying around in the wake of Munster's Heineken European Cup victory over Sale Sharks at Thomond Park on Saturday. The sequel to the Miracle Match, the victory over Gloucester in a previous European campaign, has already inspired one or two witticisms.
This column's current favourite revolves around the fact England is preparing for a state funeral following the death of a whale in the river Thames but as yet there has been no reaction - and not a Greenpeace spokesperson in sight - following the death of 21 sharks by the river Shannon.
Buíochas, Chorca D
We're very grateful to Danno O'Keeffe, Norman O'Connor and Shane Doody of Chorca Dhuibhne RFC and Danno's bar in Dingle, who provided the Irish translations for a couple of rugby terms in order to facilitate any supporters of the Sale Sharks who wanted to soak up a little culture while in Limerick at the weekend.
They even went as far as providing a phonetic translation that would aid the English visitors in offering the odd word "as Gaeilge" to the locals, an idea put forward by the Munster Supporters' Club. We do not wish to offend the sensibilities of referees around the world but they are affectionately known by a word that roughly translates to cockroach.
Another interesting term (turas an teampall) refers to a hospital pass and translates as a trip to the graveyard.
Corcha Dhuibhne RFC is a burgeoning young club set in the heart of the Kerry Gaeltacht.
ENGLISH-IRISH PHONETIC GUIDE
Offside Droch bhla
Drough-bloth
Crooked in Comh cam le Iorch ratha
Co-cam-le-ierk-raha
Turnover ball Caid casta
Cod-costa
Women's rugby Na habair é
Gnaw-hobber-A
Hospital pass Turas an teampall
Truss-an-towm-pill
Referee An ciaróg
An-key-rogue
Hands in ruck Leapaí sna poill
Lapee-sna-powell
Knock-on Caid amuigh
Cod-amu
Jonno lends weight
It seems former England international and World Cup-winning captain Martin Johnson is being used to promote an unlicensed hospitality business that is alleged to be exploiting grey areas in the English RFU's regulations for Twickenham internationals, according to a report in an English newspaper.
A company called Grass Roots Rugby Ltd has sent letters to clubs promising to help them generate revenue and sponsorship in return for information about their international ticket allocation. Leicester Tigers chief executive Peter Wheeler has set up the company. Johnson is quoted: "Grass Roots is the best way to assist clubs increase their income, which can only help develop young players for the future."
The scheme does point out it fully complies with RFU regulations, but the powers that be at Twickenham are not best pleased that a member of their own management board, Wheeler, continues to fight them for the corporate pound.
He has been using Neil Back and Johnson to do so but the English RFU are looking to close the loophole. Jim Overend, secretary of Grass Roots Rugby, said: "We are offering a genuine community service to clubs. There is a grey area over tickets connected with sponsorship, which can be approached from a number of different angles."
Not for long by the sound of things.
Shambles for Keyter
Former USA centre Jason Keyter has been banned from playing for 12 months after testing positive for cocaine. The American, who played in the 2003 Rugby World Cup, is currently playing with Esher in England's National Division Two after stints with NEC Harlequins and Rotherham.
Keyter, who joined Esher during the close season, pleaded guilty to an RFU disciplinary panel after testing positive following a match between Esher and Moseley in October of last year, but he claims he took the drug inadvertently.
Esher have supported the American's stance and club boss David Page has stated he and the club will stand by their man.
"The club has a no-tolerance policy on drugs and if we thought Jason had taken the substance deliberately we would not accept him as a member again. But we are supporting him because we believe he would never knowingly have taken a derivative of cocaine.
"He went to a club in the West End with a work colleague and got talking to some people who bought him a drink called a 'shambles', consisting of champagne, Red Bull and vodka. The drink was spiked and the next day, a Thursday, Jason felt awful, but managed to train. He played against Moseley on the Saturday and struggled so much we almost took him off. Afterwards he was one of two players from each side to be given a random drugs test."
Keyter is the second international to claim his drink was spiked in a nightclub. South African-born French international Pieter de Villiers made the same claim following his positive test a few seasons ago.
