On Rugby: What is it with those horrible new Nike strips France and England donned in Marseilles on Saturday night?, writes Gerry Thornley.
High collared, skintight eyesores with garish strips down the rib cages. It's bad enough the game is becoming more and more like rugby league. Do the kits have to look as gaudy as well?
Granted, the All Blacks provided the template with their figure-hugging adidas strip but at least, well, it's black. Perhaps the All Blacks took their cue from the Italian soccer team, where shirt tugging is an art form, and no doubt these new hi-tec strips are designed to lessen the likelihood of opponents ensnaring you by the jersey. Not meaning to be a sexist pig about it, but on female athletes these lycra inventions are one thing. However, as replica strips for the, eh, well-rounded Barmy Army?
Nevertheless, the France-England head-to-head was ideal World Cup preparation, played in a humid atmosphere in front of a packed night crowd. It was undoubtedly a manifestation of ultra-intensive, ultra-physical, modern-day rugby, especially when set against the comparative phoney wars Ireland have been involved in while racking up over 100 points against a Welsh second/third string and an Italian side which, you sincerely hope for the sake of the Welsh, was of similar standard. Alas, it probably wasn't.
Despite Scotland's surprise defeat to the previously hapless Welsh on Saturday, when again they simply didn't have a cutting edge to augment good forward play and plenty of ball, Ireland's final warm-up test at Murrayfield next Saturday should be the toughest of the three. That will make it more relevant and beneficial as well.
Nevertheless, another Anglo-French showdown at Twickenham will, for sure, be the real deal by comparison and herein lies a concern. While a fifth successive win this Saturday would be a welcome return for Ireland in readiness for the World Cup, with Romania and Namibia first-up in the World Cup that should, theoretically, extend the winning run to seven.
However, in readiness for the pivotal meeting with the Pumas in Adelaide on October 29th, none of the five tests played this season is likely to have prepared Ireland for the level of physical intensity they are likely to face against Argentina nor, just as pertinently, the pressure that comes with a closer, more competitive game - as it assuredly will be. Argentina, although they only play Romania four days beforehand in Sydney, will at least have played Australia - win, lose or draw - in the tournament opener.
By comparison, Clive Woodward and Bernard Laporte are seeing their players perform in an altogether more testing environment. However, no more than judging Irish players against an Italian team that quickly threw in the towel last Saturday, and then Murrayfield a week later, Éngland's circumstances were too inconsistent to allow judgments on their players.
Andy Gomarsall had a relative armchair ride behind a dominant pack against a feeble Welsh outfit in the Millennium Stadium. By comparison, Austin Healey struggled in Marseilles. But it was his first run-out at scrum-half for England in almost two years, and his first game at number nine in almost a year, behind a pack which struggled in both the scrums and line-outs, and with the master spoiler Fabien Galthie bugging him all night. Then again, Clive Woodward mightn't be too disappointed to leave the Leicester Lip at home, given the manner he ingratiated himself with the Aussie community on the Lions tour.
Even in defeat, England look in better shape than the French, for it is hard to believe that the presence of even Martin Johnson, their experienced first-choice back-row and Jonny Wilkinson - much less the rest of their frontliners - wouldn't have been enough to beat pretty much a full-strength French outfit and end their much celebrated unbeaten run in the Stade Velodrome.
Granted, they are at different stages of their World Cup preparations and had different agendas last week. But France still look to have more work to do by comparison. Although their grizzled, gnarled veterans up front exerted immense pressure on England, and their aggressive defence cramped England's style, especially in midfield, frankly their reliance on a kicking, possession game was disappointing. They are not playing with the élan which you come to expect from Les Bleus, and the discomfiting preference for the naturalised South African bruiser Liebenberg over the artistry of Thomas Castaignede seems indicative of their approach. Meantime, the long-standing outhalf/goalkicking question marks remain.
Not alone did the twinkle-toed and gifted Frederic Michalak have a decidedly mixed bag with his kicking from hand and general decision-making, he landed only three place kicks from seven - one of which, a straightish 40-metre penalty, scraped over via the upright.
Less experienced and every bit as unpredictable as Carlos Spencer, he looks an even dodgier investment than the mercurial All Blacks outhalf at this juncture and this column has to concede that the wager on an All Black-France final at 11 to 2 is increasingly looking one for the shredder.
In one sense, this is a little disappointing, for playing the way they can France would be the best and most enjoyable bet of the big five to become world champions. Against that, they look less daunting as prospective World Cup opponents and certainly couldn't have much reason to relish a last eight run-in with Ireland or Argentina.
Ireland have beaten France in three of the last six meetings, only one of which was decided by more than a score, while the Pumas had a first-ever series win over them last summer. Yet, as they've shown in previous World Cups, of all the teams on the planet who can suddenly turn their form around and become inspired by the knockout stages of the finals, it is Les Bleus.
Somehow, you sense they still might yet.
