Mary Hanniganlooks back on the year in quotes . . .
January
Anne Robinson: "What actor, who came to fame in westerns, was known as 'King of the Cowboys'? Roy who?"
Weakest Link contestant: "Roy Keane?"- Meanwhile, it proved to be an eventful year for Sunderland manager Roy Rodgers.
"He's a great player - he can turn something into nothing."- Gloucester's Mike Tindall attempts to pay tribute to Agen's Fijian international Rupeni Caucaunibuca.
"I didn't want to go there at 34 years old and for people to say he's only going for the money. It's not what I'm going out there to do."- David Beckham on his move to LA Galaxy for €188 million over five years.
"He will be an average cinema actor living in Hollywood. The proof our technical team was right in not considering his continuity has been ratified because no one, with the player having been free, wanted him."- And with these warm words Real Madrid president Ramon Calderon wished Beckham all the best in Los Angeles.
"He is a good-looking guy, and he will look good on television. I tell you what, Ronaldinho would scare the children of this country."- American broadcaster Steven Cohen on why Beckham was a better option for Major League Soccer than the Brazilian lad.
"I used to milk 100 cows six days a week, and then go to a place like Newbridge, in Wales, on a wet Wednesday night and have my head kicked in. It was a tough apprenticeship, but you know what? I miss those days."- England rugby captain Phil Vickery pines for the good old days.
"I feel so bad about my OBE I'm going to tie it round my cat. It doesn't mean anything anymore. It's a joke."- Geoffrey Boycott, not overly impressed by England's cricketers, most of whom have MBEs to their name, during their 5-0 Ashes drubbing.
"Fourth spot is what we're aiming for - we don't want to be second-best."- Phil Neville on Everton's puzzling target for the season.
February
"I applauded when San Marino scored last night; I thanked God in the heavens above that the poor little crathurs scored. I was bitterly disappointed that we scored another goal, because God love them, they deserved to win because we were an absolute shambles."- Patricia, a caller to Liveline, after the 2-1 injury-time win in San Marino. she is believed to be on the FAI's shortlist to replace Staunton.
"Madam, It is difficult to play well against poor opposition but San Marino tried their best. - Yours, etc, Colman O'Neill."- He had a point.
"The arrogant, warmongering words of God Save the Queen ringing out over Croke Park is surely pushing the boundaries of tolerance and common sense beyond what is expected in any republic on earth."- Former Kerry player JJ Barrett opting not to roll out the red (white and blue) carpet ahead of England's visit to Croke Park.
"The whole point is we are trying to move towards a civilised society that is tolerant and accepts others. We have reached the stage where we are more than happy for the English anthem to be played in Croke Park. It's a fun song, pretty catchy. Who better to save the queen than God himself?"- But Joe Brolly had a different view.
"Now that Nos has switched to centre back he's got much less time on the ball, which is best for all concerned."- Roy Keane was actually trying to be nice about his defender Nyron Nosworthy, but . . .
"I'm 28 now and they say you peak at 28 - so my best years are still ahead of me."- Footballer Kieron Dyer, not quite grasping the definition of "peak".
March
"Every Pakistan batsman has died a coward's death. The fielders wander the outfield like elephants . . . they are a blot on international cricket."- Pakistan cricket commentator Kamran Abbasi salutes his team after they lost to Ireland at the World Cup.
"I'm going to sleep on this one as I've had a very bad day, which ranks along with my worst days as a coach."- Pakistan coach Bob Woolmer after that defeat to Ireland put them out of the World Cup. Woolmer died in his hotel room that night.
"Cilla wants her teeth back, Cilla wants her teeth back, La, la, la, la, la, la."- Liverpool fans welcome Ronaldinho to Anfield, as only Liverpool fans can.
"My brother and I are always playing F1 on the PlayStation and now I am going to be in one of those cars on the games."- Lewis Hamilton, from kid-playing-with-his- computer to Formula-One-driver-making-debut- in-Australian-Grand-Prix.
"There was water involved and a pedalo as well. But I don't want to go into detail. I don't think my life was in danger."- English cricketer Andrew Flintoff after he fell off a pedalo and got into difficulties in the water following an early-morning drinking session during the World Cup. Like you do.
"What shall we do with the drunken sailor?"- Irish fans serenade Flintoff during the World Cup game against England.
April
Robbie Power: "This is absolutely fantastic - it's better than sex."
Gordon Elliot: "You might get some now."- Winning trainer Elliott's response to his jockey losing the run of himself after winning the Grand National on Silver Birch.
"A good win - 43, 44 years waiting for this I think, but we got it in the end."- Dan Shanahan after Waterford beat Kilkenny to win their first National League title since 1963.
Ray Stubbs: "If David gets to the final and plays Ronnie what will we have?"
John Parrott: "A Gilbert-O'Sullivan final."
Steve Davies: "Better that than a Marco Fu- Mark King final."- There followed stunned silence.
Anne Robinson: "The former world featherweight boxing champion whose father represented Ireland in the Eurovision Song Contest is Barry who?"
Weakest Link contestant: "White?"- Meanwhile, it proved to be an eventful year for the Walrus of Love, Barry McGuigan.
"I'd compare him to the incomparable George Best."- David Pleat showers impossible praise all over Cristiano Ronaldo.
May
"If I caught him in bed with my wife, I'd probably tuck him in."- Sky Sports commentator Mike Stephenson on Warrington Wolves' six-foot-two Kiwi prop Paul Rauhihi, who weighs 19 stone.
"I'd put this as an equal to what I've achieved. The World Cup, unbelievable. The Ryder Cup, unbelievable. This is at the top of the pile, no question about it . . . but I wouldn't set it apart. It's there or thereabouts."- Pádraig Harrington after becoming the first Irishman in 25 years to win the Irish Open.
"There is no way I would want to buy City. Why would I want to give every penny I have earned to some horrible little chav footballer so he can buy his wife dresses to wear at Aintree? I would rather piss it up the wall."- Noel Gallagher, he of Oasis fame, hints that he won't be involved in the takeover battle for Manchester City.
Colm O'Rourke: "You could write the Meath tactics on the back of a postage stamp - just kick it up there. Some people would say it's bogman football."
Joe Brolly: "But you are bogmen."
O'Rourke: "That's true."- The RTÉ double act strike again.
Henry Blofeld: "You'd want Geoffrey Boycott to bat for your life."
Alec Stewart: "It would either be a long life or a slow death."- Hopefully Geoffrey wasn't tuned in to the BBC's Test Match Special on this particular day.
"Mum, I'm gay."- Liverpool banner spotted at the Champions League final.
"I'm sick, sore and tired of the hallions down south slagging us off, particularly that crowd from Cork. They are the most ungracious group of people that I have ever met in my life. What annoys me is the ungracious, big-headed attitude of them . . . they're pathetic."- Linfield manager David Jeffrey pays tribute to Cork City after beating them in the Setanta Cup semi-final.
June
"Some players have psychologists, some have sportologists - I smoke."- US Open winner Angel Cabrera reveals the secret to his success.
"Some of the matches I see now the defender is not supposed to be there at all. That honest defending is disallowed, because there's a fella sitting in the stand scrutinising every move the referee makes, and I feel massively sorry for referees. They've been torn apart and slaughtered . . . so that assessor, I would shoot him."- Kilkenny manager Brian Cody, armed and dangerous.
"I'm only 5ft 6ins, but you feel like Gulliver when you go to Mexico."- Boxer Ricky Hatton, walking tall in Acapulco.
"Five years is effectively the same as a life ban for me. My biggest regret, however, would be that my name would be remembered just for that incident and 'Trevor Brennan - Life Ban'. I believe I have given rugby more than that. I believe myself that I'm an ordinary decent human being who deserves more understanding than that."- Brennan after his life ban from playing rugby, for striking an Ulster supporter, was reduced on appeal to five years.
"Offaly were absolutely dreadful. Iarnród Eireann carry less passengers than there were there today."- Colm O'Rourke after Dublin derailed Offaly's Championship hopes.
"He said he would take Leeds United out of the Championship when he arrived - and he has. I just thought he meant up."- Ex-Leeds United owner Gerard Krasner on being asked if he regretted selling the club to Ken Bates.
"We needed a shot in the arm and he gave it to us."- San Fransisco Giants manager Bruce Bochy with an unfortunate selection of words to describe Barry Bonds's 747th home run. In August Bonds beat Hank Aaron's record total of 755 runs; in November he was charged with perjury and obstruction of justice over an inquiry into steroid use.
July
Steve Parrish: "I think Stoner's got tyre issues."
Charlie Cox: "Yeah, they're not going round fast enough."- An exchange in the BBC commentary box after Valentino Rossi took the lead from Casey Stoner at the Dutch Moto GP.
"This is the icing on the gravy."- Lucas Glover, first reserve at the British Open, after opening with a 71 at Carnoustie.
"Daddy, can we put ladybirds in it?"- Four-year-old Patrick Harrington's request to his father after spotting the Claret Jug Pádraig collected for his efforts at the British Open.
"I went to bed about four o'clock and woke up around six. I woke Caroline and said, 'I am the Open champion.' The trophy was lying at the end of the bed and both of us were looking at it in awe. She said, 'I can't believe it, there's the trophy . . . but can we go back to sleep?'"- Pádraig (and Caroline) Harrington endure a sleepless night after his Carnoustie triumph. The ladybirds, snug in the jug, slept through it all.
"We are always made to look like animals without brains. I am not a criminal. I am only trying to do my work in the best conditions I can."- Russian cyclist Alexandr Vinokourov, one of the favourites to win the Tour de France, lashes out at those who suspected him of being a cheat. The day after his second stage win he was requested to withdraw from the race after failing a blood doping test.
August
"If you spray peanuts around you get monkeys, and at the moment we have a load of peanuts going out, so we have a load of monkeys running around."- Former sprinter John Regis, unhappy with the lottery funding for British athletics, eagerly anticipating the World Championships in Japan.
"It's rugby by numbers - A, B, C."- Dewi Morris discovers trying to analyse England's performance in their defeat by France isn't as easy as 1, 2, 3.
"We're in the worst county, because we're breeding more reporters at the moment than millionaires. Local and national reporters, and some of them wouldn't know how to make a hurl. Or they'd pick up the wrong end."- Babs Keating, after resigning as Tipperary manager, bids a fond adieu to the media.
"I'm very happy inside but what do you want me to do? Jump on the table? Strip? I was excited and it takes a lot to get me excited . . . ask my wife."- Roy Keane after Sunderland won their opening game of the Premier league season with a late goal against Spurs.
"Everyone deserves a trial. Even Saddam Hussein got a trial. One question I have is what was I sacked for? A former manager commented on some of these people, referring to mushrooms. But he was being very unfair to mushrooms. They grow on their own and they can stand on their own. The people involved here can't."- Tony Considine's tribute to the Clare county board after he was sacked as hurling manager.
"I think there is a pack of assholes in Ireland who are trying to give me a bad time . . . I never doped my horse, ever, and I'll prove it."- Jessica Kürten, whose horse Castle Forbes Maike tested positive for a prohibited substance, sends greetings back home.
September
"It was probably like watching a horror movie out there. I expected us to be a little bit edgy in the first 20 minutes, it being the first game of the tournament, but actually we got worse as the game went on."- Eddie O'Sullivan after Ireland opened their World Cup campaign somewhat unconvincingly against Namibia. It actually got worse as the tournament went on.
"For those who can't tell the teams apart, the All Blacks are the ones with the ball."- ITV's Jim Rosenthal during the colour co-ordinated World Cup clash of New Zealand and Scotland, which the All-Blacks shaded 40-0.
"Hurling is a terrific feeling. It doesn't matter about any other year. It is here. It is now. It is the moment. With half a minute to go, it is ours. That is savage. It is great craic. What else would you be doing?"- Kilkenny manager Brian Cody after beating Limerick in the All-Ireland final.
"My father used to have a saying: a big mouth is good for cooling soup."- Pete Finnerty, the former Galway hurler, on Ger Loughnane's suggestion that Kilkenny are a dirty team.
"I would love to gather all the fans together to say goodbye, but they would crush me with their love."- Harry Redknapp. No, no, Jose Mourinho of course, as he said goodbye to Chelsea.
"It was the first Kerry-Cork final and that meant bragging rights for the next 100 years. So it was a game we couldn't lose, really."- Aidan O'Mahony explaining why Kerry had no option but to win the All-Ireland final: the alternative was too horrible to contemplate.
"I feel sorry for the players. They played their guts out but it was not to be and that is how it goes. It has been a tough World Cup for us. I have no complaints really."- Eddie O'Sullivan, alone in having no complaints after the World Cup.
"At least now we know we have to beat the Czechs in Prague. A win is a win if you win it."- Steve. Staunton.
October
"What is pretty plain to see is that Ireland do not deserve to be in the knockout stages. The truth is that they were dreadful in every game, they got their pants pulled down and they were spanked."- Former All-Black Zinzan Brooke insisting Ireland were just unlucky at the World Cup. Well, okay, that wasn't quite his gist.
"Andrew Flintoff is to see a renowned joint specialist in Amsterdam."- As heard on a BBC 5 live sports bulletin.
"Sort of desolate, decayed, the smell of . . . I don't want to dramatise it . . . but death, you know? That is what it feels like, no-man's land, and it is not a nice place to be."- New Zealand's Anton Oliver after losing to France in the rugby World Cup quarter-finals. No one was brave enough to tell him 'it's only a game'.
"To quote Nick Faldo, after winning one of his Opens, I'd like to thank the press from the heart of my bottom for all the support they've given us over the last few weeks."- England's Nick Easter shares his joy with the media after the quarter-final win over Australia.
"Would you let him drive the train to Cork?"- Eamon Dunphy, looking for an alternative career for Steve Staunton.
"It's unfortunate that I've been personally linked with the appointment."- Having sacked the Ireland manager Steve Staunton, the FAI chief executive, John Delaney, takes full responsibility for the appointment. The old ones are the best, eh?
November
"Last night we went down to give him a pat, he just snarled at us and said, 'piss off and let me eat'. He's got an attitude; he thinks he's good."- Assistant trainer John Sadler on the arrogant beast Efficient, winner of the Melbourne Cup.
"Great leaders inspire their men to glory. Steve McClaren will be remembered as a wally with a brolly."- The Daily Mail waves a tearful cheerio to McClaren after he was sacked following England's failure to qualify for Euro 2008.
"Roy of the Rovers reads David Healy comics."- BBC Northern Ireland co-commentator John O'Neill after Healy broke Davor Suker's goalscoring record in the Euro 2008 qualifiers.
"I swear on my mother's life, my late mother's life . . . "- Alex Higgins gives an honest interview to BBC Northern Ireland's Stephen Nolan.
December
"I'd stick my head up a dead bear's bum if it made me putt really good."- Australian golfer Peter Lonard suggesting he's quite eager to improve on the greens.
"My doorbell didn't work."- British sprinter Mark Lewis-Francis explains how he missed his second out-of-competition doping test. It was a bad run of luck; his dog ate his homework the week before.
"He'd be rolling over in his coffin - I mean, he was a bastard."- Andrew Harris, son of George (the former president of Australian Rules club Carlton), on the moving tributes paid at his father's funeral.
"If there's such a thing as reincarnation, he would want to come back as himself."- Ricky Hatton suggesting Floyd Mayweather was a touch fond of himself.
"Five hours after I stood on the stage, I was suddenly alone. My whole world had collapsed. I was lucky I could not find a rope in the room. Otherwise, I would not have been here now."- Danish cyclist Michael Rasmussen reflecting on his ejection from the Tour de France, which he was leading, having missed a drug test.
"I love Irish people."- Howard Kendall stakes his claim for the Republic of Ireland job.
