Hors de Combat:Irish camp, Bordeaux, 17/9/07, 7.22am. EOS wearing his IRFU pyjamas and dressing gown. Knocks on GM's door.

EOS: Geordan, can I have a word? I think we need a "clear the air" session. You can't unring a bell, Geordan.

GM: Sorry, Eddie, I'm not with you. You can't what?

EOS: Unring a bell. You gotta park it and move on. Lookit, Geordan, you can bring a dog for a walk, but that won't stop him barking. You can put him on a lead, but that won't stop him sniffing.

GM: Okay!

EOS: You and I haven't always been on the same radar, have we? We haven't always rowed the same boat or sung the same song or . . .

GM: Yeah, yeah, I get you, yeah . . .

EOS: The point is this team hasn't clicked yet and I'm not saying it's not your fault . . .

GM: Well I haven't really played yet so . . .

EOS: I know that, but there's no point in crying over spilled milk. Sometimes the milk needs to be spilled so you can learn from the spillage. I admit we spilled milk against Namibia and Georgia but that doesn't matter so long as we go and clean it up against France. You follow?

GM: Right. (Pause). But we'll need a big, eh, mop? Is that what you're saying?

EOS: What are you talking about? What mop?

GM: You want me to soak up the milk that was spilled with a big mop?

EOS: Are you on drugs? That beard makes you look like a stoner - you don't have to sound like one as well. Listen to me now: we play the biggest, most crucial match I've ever been involved in on Friday; we must win or I'm f****d.

You've won European Cups with Leicester, you're regarded as one of the most gifted backs in the game, you can play fullback, wing, centre and outhalf, and in an era where bulldozers and beef dominate strategies, you offer an intelligent and subtle alternative.

Many of the game's top achievers - Neil Back among them - have hailed you as the best they have ever played with.

Dean Richards referred to you as the George Best of rugby, and when you so cruelly broke your leg four years ago you showed real balls and desire by courageously fighting your way back on this team.

I've always said I pick players on their form and you are the form Irish player at the moment. You played a blinder in the warm-up against Scotland, which must have been bloody tough, given the fact that it was in the same game you got injured before the last World Cup.

Having said that, you missed a tackle on Raphael Ibanez seven months ago so, eh, you're dropped.

THE END (of Geordan Murphy)

Murphy need not worry. Now that he's been excluded from the match 22, he still has as much of a chance of actually playing against France as his bench replacement, Gavin Duffy.

Will somebody please wake me up and tell me this has all been a terrible dream? We all know at this stage that Eddie O is not big on change, but by attempting to prove everyone wrong by pointing the finger at Peter Stringer and Denis Hickie he has inadvertently hit the panic button. I'm not sure what the plan is, but it seems the policy is to reward certain players who remain anonymous, and then to suddenly punish others for one uncharacteristic blunder.

You would describe Ireland as being at sixes and sevens were it not for the fact that Eddie brought only one number seven with him, so we'll have to call it sixes and a seven.

Media heat on Eddie has been turned up a notch or two this week, so much so that he could well be in danger of an empathy phone call from Steve Staunton.

SS: You and I have a lot in common, Eddie.

EOS: Well I dunno about that, Stan . . .

SS: We're both big-time professional managers, we're both under the spotlight and we're both f****d.

EOS: Thanks, Stan. Bye now.

One very obvious question I haven't heard being asked is why this collective dip in form has happened. I certainly don't know, but neither, it seems, does anyone else.

You certainly won't find an explanation on the television. There's a curious parallel between the TV coverage and "Ireland's fall". TV studios are packed full of international experience, but they can neither explain the problem nor express their frustration with it. By the way, is Neil Francis under contract not to move while talking? He makes Pat Kenny look wired.

If moments of clarity are hard to come by in the current climate, one thing is for sure - France are the reigning Six Nations champions and despite a bad hiccup against Argentina they have genuine designs on lifting the World Cup.

There aren't many Irish players France would pick in their team, but - unlike Ireland - I bet they wouldn't say no to Geordan Murphy. Ring the bell, batten down the hatches and circle the wagons. They must be delighted with Eddie O's new contract. IRFU committee, take a bow!