AGAINST THE ODDS:BUNGALOW Bob was driving Vinny Fitzpatrick almost as mad as Robert Rock's showboating caddy, writes RODDY L'ESTRANGE

“Why does he lie flat on his belly to give Rock the line?

“Why does he hold the flag stick at the same time?

“And why does he peer over his shoulder at an angle as Rock is about to putt?” droned Bungalow from the high dune which framed the 14th green at Baltray. Vinny wanted to shove the pin where the sun didn’t shine but thought better of it, lest he found himself being evicted from the links.

Their viewing pitch was as good as you could hope for, affording a clear sight of the bowl-shaped 14th green and the short 15th, which followed.

On this Sunday of all Sundays at the Irish Open, it was a fine place for Vinny to be, even with his insufferable brother-in-law in tow, and the appalling conditions.

That he should find himself in the milieu of golf fans as a young Irish amateur, Shane Lowry, threatened to upstage a field of professionals, just as Francois Ouimet did at the US Open almost a century ago, was down to his sister, Bernie.

She’d rung earlier in the week, inviting Vinny and Angie to Bettystown for Sunday brunch and had thrown in a couple of tickets for the golf as a not unreasonable inducement.

Vinny had looked forward to taking Angie under his wing and giving her a potted discourse on the Irish Open, a hole-by-hole guide to Baltray, and why history was against Lowry winning, but had been stymied by the weather.

“I’m not going out in that when I can follow the golf on TV over a pot of tea and the Sunday papers with Bernie. No, you go with Bob and enjoy yourself,” she’d said The words “Bob” and “enjoy” didn’t sit comfortably with Vinny as his brother-in-law was only happy when he was moaning.

Bungalow had an opinion on everything, mostly negative, and the griping started the moment they saw the first signs for the course, which directed them towards Monasterboice.

“Why are we being sent this way?

“What’s wrong with the road they were using earlier in the week?

“This is going to take ages. We might as well have stayed at home,” grumbled Bungalow.

And so it went on. Bungalow groused about having to stand on the coach which ferried spectators to the course; about getting his shoes covered in mud on arrival, and about how there wasn’t room to raise his umbrella in the galleries.

“Keep it down so, you see better,” said Vinny. “But then I’ll get wet,” retorted Bungalow. “So what, it’s no big deal,” said Vinny, his temper rising. The leaders had just set out on the back nine when Vinny and Bungalow arrived on the course. They followed them do the 12th, and then shimmied across to the 14th to await their arrival.

Standing there, buffeted by a cold wind blowing down from the Cooleys, Vinny felt how unlike this Irish Open was to the sun-blessed occasions of his youth.

He’d been a regular at Portmarnock in the 1970s and 1980s where the fairways were baked brown and the highly-paid American stars – Crenshaw, Green, Weiskopf and Trevino — brought movie star glamour to Dublin’s northside.

John O’Leary was a famous Irish winner in 1982, while an old hand, Jimmy Kinsella, and local hero, Philip Walton, both went close. Langer, Seve, Woosie all won at the magical ’Marnock too. Great golfers; great days, he recalled.

Here at Baltray, the locals loved their golf, in particular their amateur heroes and heroines; the Garveys, Gannons, Reddans, McGuirks.

These down-to-earth folk, who knew the venerable game inside out and upside down, were urging young Lowry on as they scrambled for the best vantage points.

Behind the 14th was one and Vinny knew he was surrounded by pure golfing cognoscenti as the leaders approached the green.

With his bulk, Lowry was no matchstick man like those painted by his namesake, LS Lowry. But his strength was a useful foil on this foul day, and his svelte short game, played at a brisk pace, was akin to John Daly in his pomp.

The 14th hole at Baltray is a rarity on any championship course, a short par four, measuring 332 yards, played from an elevated tee.

With favourable conditions, it is drivable but most top players prefer a lay-up to avoid becoming entangled with the bunkers, thick collar of rough and deep run off areas which form a praetorian defence of the tiered green.

On this day, with the wind from the east, the green was “on” and the bearded Swede, John Edfors, had a cut, only for his ball to run off into a swale. From there, the chip was fluffed.

There was a respectful silence in the gallery except for Bungalow who couldn’t contain himself. “Rubbish,” he harrumphed. “I’d do better myself,” he said.

Glares like bayonets were instantly fixed on Bungalow who continued to blather on. “How can a professional play like a hacker? These guys are supposed to be good aren’t they? I can’t believe people paid in to see a shot like that,” he said.

Vinny tried to edge away from Bungalow, aware that the locals were becoming agitated with the motor mouth standing beside him.

Thankfully, events on the green sward below provided a welcome distraction. Lowry had a birdie putt to draw level with Rock. It wasn’t long, about eight feet, but on this treacherous surface, anything was possible.

Lowry lined the putt up, took a quick glance at the hole, and pulled the trigger.

The stroke was true and the ball dipped into the hole at pace. High on the hill, there was an eruption of joy, with Vinny shouting loudest and punching the air with a meaty fist.

Only Bungalow, the resident pessimistic, sounded a note of discord. “They’re supposed to make putts like that with their eyes closed,” he sniffed.

As spectators shifted on the dune, turning to follow the action on the par-three 15th Vinny recalled that he had read somewhere the 14th at Baltray was called Stirrup Cup, which means a farewell drink in Scots-Gaelic.

If Lowry went on to win the championship, he’d raise a glass or two to the burly Offalyman in Foley’s that night, far from the clutches of the unbearable Bungalow Bob.

Bets of the week

2ptsGeordan Murphy to score a try in Heineken Cup final (7/2, general)

1ptHull, Newcastle and Middlesbrough all to win in Premier League (25/1, Skybet)

Vinny's Bismarck 1ptLay Cuais Ghaire to win Irish 1,000 Guineas (4/1, Boylesports, liability 4pts)