The Unofficial Roy Keane Presidential Campaign 2004 http://www.monalisa.demon.co.uk/keane.htm

This site has been running a while now but we're glad to see Jonathan and Frances, the campaign directors, are keeping us prospective voters up to date with their candidate's progress. "The country is crying out for a president of strong character, a man who even kicks his own team-mates after they score (surely an invaluable asset around any negotiating table). And with Johnny Giles retired this can only mean one man . . . DoubtachaRoy," they argue.

The Keane Manifesto (`Keanconomics', as they call it), is a compelling one. 1. Retire the orange away strip with immediate effect. 2. Change the presidential salute to The Banks. 3. Allow international football matches to be played in Croke Park. 4. Redevelopment of Aras an Uactharain. (This involves moving one of Cork city's most famous landmarks, Shandon (and its bells), to Dublin and sitting it on top of the Presidential home in the Phoenix Park - there's an artist's impression of the proposed modifications included on the site).

We suspect Dustin the Turkey won't be too chuffed when he hears Roy will be one of Presidential campaign opponents in 2004. In fact he'll be gutted. (Uggh. Poor choice of words, considering the season that's in it).