`Come on in, it's a very cool Planet," coos the Planet Hollywood home page. Sure it's cool in there. In fact, it's chilly to the point of freezing these days.
The troubled chain was established in 1992 amid much hoopla by Bruce Willis, along with his then wife, Demi Moore, and his muscle-blessed actor pals, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. The Irish outlet, on Dublin's Stephen's Green, opened in late 1997.
However, by May of last year, the Planet Hollywood shares were reported to have lost 91 per cent of their value, and the chain was experiencing severe stomach complaints, having consumed more locations than was healthy for its bank balance. Locations range from Beirut to Taipei, from the Tel Aviv Beach Cafe to Washington DC, but few will be open for much longer, if the company continues to lose money.
One of the original investors, Arnie Schwarzenegger, has recently pulled out of the company, which filed for bankruptcy protection in the US last autumn. The closure of the Dublin outlet, which is expected to take place in May, was disclosed this week, and the lease of the premises has been sold to Capital Bars for £2.3 million.
So why did Planet Hollywood fail in Ireland? After all, we clutched MacDonalds to our national bosom when Ronald migrated here in the 1970s and introduced a form of chipped potato previously unknown to us. So it wasn't simply Planet Hollywood's overpriced burgers and wings which we didn't bite on.
Maybe it had something to do with the practice of hanging things from the walls and ceilings, such as the bike used in the film, Michael Collins, the sword Sean Connery swung in Highlander, and the guna Jessica Lange wore in Rob Roy. It all whiffs of Irish theme bars abroad: sticking up a few atmospheric bits and pieces to create some sort of faux intimacy with the auld sod that is Hollywood.
In general, although VIP would like to think otherwise, we don't worship at the altar of celebrity in the way the Americans do. Tiger or no tiger, we're too cute to pay over the odds to look at a second-hand dress that happened to be worn by Jessica Lange while munching on pricey burgers. As for the auld bike - well, more than a few punters stuck for a taxi must have thought it'd be more useful as transport home than stuck on the wall like something Flann O'Brien permanently mislaid.
However, if the restaurant had adapted to the concept of local celebrities, and was called, say, Planet Montrosehood, it would surely have brought in a lot more folk. Think of it! RTE's own theme-styled restaurant: the opportunity to tuck in while watching reruns of The Riordans and cooing at the suit Pat Kenny wore for the opening night of the new Late Late; or admiring the sartorial merits of one of Dinny's tweed caps from Glenroe; or gasping at the controversial leather garments worn with attitude recently by the newsreader, Anne Doyle, and the Primetime presenter, Miriam O'Callaghan! Sadly, the opportunity was missed.
It's probably no coincidence that the home base of Planet Hollywood is Orlando - also home of Disneyworld, which more or less put the patent on tie-in theme merchandising. Maybe one of the problems is that you can't really duplicate that Jessica Lange dress, or Schwarzenegger Terminator suit, or lifeboat as used on the set of Titanic, and sell it on to customers in the way you can make millions of Disney-themed toys and potentially offload them on the world's children.
There's always been lots of hype about the high-profile actors involved in the chain, one or more of whom usually turn up for the opening of the latest outlet. Bertie Ahern muscled up to Arnie Schwarzenegger at Dublin's opening in December 1997. But, heck, Arnie and Co ain't in town all that often that you think, "Hey, I'll bring the kids to Planet Hollywood and we'll shoot the breeze with old Arnie." Celebrity itself can't be merchandised, which is probably one of the reasons the Fashion Cafe chain, as backed by Claudia Schiffer and her supermodel pals, quickly went, ahem, pearshaped.
Not that there isn't merchandise on offer from Planet Hollywood, of course. Among the "collectables and souvenirs" are beach towels, sunglasses, and ponchos, which, presumably, there was large demand for at the Dublin palm-fringed beach-front outlet overlooking Stephen's Green.
The malaise within the chain isn't confined to this side of the Atlantic, either, so don't be too sure of your "Die Hard Daquiris: made with Bacardi, Lemon, Banana, Raspberry, Strawberry, or Peach" when you make your next trip to the U S of A. According to the Pittsburg Post Gazette, which ran a piece about consumer preferences on February 17th: "Quite a large number of readers said that while they publicly endorse a Hard Rock Cafe or Planet Hollywood, they probably wouldn't be caught dead near the place."
