And just like that, Christmas 2022 is over. The New Year’s resolutions have been made (and possibly even been broken at this stage), and women’s Christmas beckons.
Oh, how we’ll laugh and pretend to attach some sort of significance to the day when the huge efforts of women over the Christmas season are apparently acknowledged and women can kick back while men take over the running of the households. Only they can’t really, because most of them will be back at work. As, of course, will us women, but since when was that even a consideration?
Sure we can just perform miracles, right? Fabulous women, our multitasking skills are legendary. We hold it together, pull everything together, keep things going on the home front and hold down jobs. We’re amazing really. It’s why society doesn’t feel a sense of urgency to change to support us as we deal with the ever-growing demands on us. Because that sort of thing can be filed safely under ”women’s issues”, and they’re not really a priority are they?
Yes, men are now more involved in child-rearing and all that goes hand-in-hand with family responsibilities. But the bar was set pretty low to begin with.
Paul Howard: I said I’d never love another dog as much as I loved Humphrey. I was wrong
Gladiator II review: Don’t blame Paul Mescal but there’s no good reason for this jumbled sequel to exist
We had sex maybe once a month. The constant rejection was soul-crushing, it felt like my ex didn’t even like me
Hyundai’s new €18,995 electric car is set to cause quite a stir
Take childcare for example, and the constant coverage of women – because it is primarily women – describing how difficulties with accessing childcare mean they have to make difficult choices about work. Childcare is a women’s issue. Until we make it a societal issue instead, little will change.
I think we need to explore the idea that schools can extend their reach of influence and control into our homes
— Mary, teacher
It’s a bit like homework for primary-school-aged children. Homework is an under-recognised feminist issue. Because just like the mental load of parenthood, it is women who shoulder most of the homework battles too, or even reconsider their working hours to facilitate it. (And for what gain even, when studies show it to be of little to no academic benefit to this age group?)
But can we call it out, without being judged? “Sure what did you have kids for?” comes the familiar reply from those who like to shut down women’s voices.
[ Parenting guru Emily Oster: ‘My kids watch TV every night’Opens in new window ]
[ I’m too tired and busy to play with my kids. Is that okay?Opens in new window ]
It’s a conversation I had with a teacher recently. Let’s call her Mary. “I think we need to explore the idea that schools can extend their reach of influence and control into our homes,” Mary said following on from a radio interview I’d done, and a piece I’d written previously about opting children out of homework.
“This is falling primarily on mothers,” Mary continued. “Most single parents are mothers. Most stay-at-home parents are mothers. And more and more dads are away travelling with work, so mothers are doing this alone.”
It’s a discussion that’s been happening for a long time, and yet here we are and still nothing has changed. Perhaps it’s because we just don’t seem to hear children and women. The expectations on the home front are the same for mothers. The new realities are different but we seem determined to stay firmly doing things as we always have done, because those amazing women and their wonderful multitasking abilities mean they’ll just suck it all up, lest we question their dedication and devotion to their children.
Educators don’t seem to realise how strongly parents feel about homework. I really feel if they saw the stress it causes, they would be horrified
— Mary, teacher
Plus, although parents know they can opt their children out of homework, it’s not always quite as easy in practice. So even taking back control is challenging. “It is pointless to tell parents they should only be doing homework for X amount of time,” Mary said. “Children are terrified of not having their homework done. If the teacher gets cross with them about it, we are not there to explain the circumstances.”
And then there’s the guilt heaped on parents – and do we mothers need any more of this – that our children won’t cope in secondary if we don’t make our children endure this pointless evening ritual, which doesn’t even stand up, Mary said.
Light on the Horizon: ‘No woman should spend her life hostage to an abusive partner’
“Look at all the new things they take on in second level, having a locker, moving around to different classrooms etc. If homework is expected of them in secondary school, they will do it. And probably with more gusto, because they’re not so worn down by years of pointless homework in secondary school.”
The thing is, Mary’s views are similar to those of most teachers I’ve spoken to about homework over the years. Yet, she adds, “Educators don’t seem to realise how strongly parents feel about this. I really feel if they saw the stress it causes, they would be horrified.”
Perhaps if this wasn’t a women’s issue, they’d be in no doubt.
So don’t wait for someone else to do it. Get on to your school principals and ask for change. Dads too. Your daughters, especially, will thank you for it.