EMISSIONS: THE NCT DEBATE:Painful as it is to side with the Government, linking penalty points to the NCT system is a great idea, writes KILIAN DOYLE
I’VE BEEN quite bemused by all this kerfuffle over the new penalty points offences.
As you know, hundreds of panicked motorists have been spooked silly by the prospect of points being linked to the NCT. The whole NCT system was reportedly “thrown into chaos” as a result. (Now there’s a first.)
But why the panic? Nothing has really changed.
Ever since the NCT was introduced, it’s been an offence potentially punishable by a day in court and a hefty fine for you not to have a qualifying vehicle tested. All that’s happened is they’ve chucked points into the mix.
The fact remains, if you obey the law, you have nothing to fear. If you don’t, the chances of you getting hauled off to court are exactly the same as they ever were, ie pretty slim.
It’s fairly safe to assume that unless you’re driving a shopping trolley with a supercharged V8 strapped to the back of it, you’re probably not going to get dragged before a judge. More likely, the garda who stops you will give you a minor telling off, hand you the phone number of his mechanic brother-in-law – who’ll “do you a good deal” – and send you on your merry way.
I also can’t see gardaí checking that you’ve had a fault identified by the NCT rectified, a horrendous crime which now carries a three-point censure. What if, for example, your car has failed the test because of worn suspension bushings or a cracked CV joint? Is a ruddy-faced sergeant going to get on his hands and knees at the side of a motorway rooting around under your car with a torch to check you’ve had them sorted?
The RSA is currently looking at a new range of offences to add to its penalty list. These include noisy after-market bucket exhausts and those cheap blacked-out windows that look like they’ve been applied by a jittery octopus.
The RSA claims tinted windows pose a “significant safety hazard”.
I’m more inclined to think it’s the act of actually giving a driving licence to someone who is so brain dead he thinks an opaque windscreen is a good idea that is the real safety hazard.
I’d like, if I may, to suggest a few more offences. None are particularly safety-orientated; they just get on my nerves.
How about penalty points for driving a Ssyangyong without being blind; having furry dice without being able to clearly define the word “irony”; and for sticking a Manchester United shirt on your rear window, a dastardly crime against what little that is decent and good in the world.
I’m also in favour of giving points and a lobotomy to anyone caught posting footage on YouTube of themselves or their mates doing doughnuts on the N4. But then, who isn’t?
I know I’m being as glib as ever this week.
Notwithstanding my facetiousness, I’m with the Government on this one. I’m all for penalty points. The sad truth of the matter is that the general public is a slavering, pus-ridden, bloated gombeen. It needs to be protected from itself.
At the moment, road deaths in Ireland are at their lowest rate for years, in large part due to the penalty points regime. So, ladies and maggots of the Government, for that – and that alone – I salute you. (Gah, that was torture. As soon as this rant is finished, I’m off to birch myself as penitence for my shameful toadying.)
Whether you like it or not, the law is the law.
And where would we be without laws? In an idyllic anarcho-syndicalist commune which would last about three days until some big ignorant fellow from Offaly decided he was fed up sharing the pie with the skinny earnest chap from Mayo and the whole shebang would descend into chaos and we’d all end up crying ourselves to sleep every night. That’s where.