It's all about money in the end. Whether Bush or Gore get elected. Whether Hillary or Rick Lazio end up in the Senate. Whether anybody gets elected. I am a kind of expert here and have letters to prove it.
Bill Clinton calls me "Dear Friend" in a letter he wrote dated "Friday Afternoon" looking for money for Hillary's campaign.
"Hillary and I both know that you've done a great deal for her campaign already, but now is the time to pull out all the stops."
I'm listening Bill. Go on.
"We Democrats better do everything in our power to make sure her voice is heard in the US Senate." And "with your friendship and steadfast support, I know Hillary can win on November 7th." All I have to do is send $1,000 or even $25 with my "Personal Reply to Bill Clinton".
But Pauline Gore, Al's 90-year-old mother, has also got to hear I'm a soft touch and on pink paper she thanks me "for all you are doing to help my son and Democrats throughout America". She asks me to agree that "we must work together to help support a victory for Al Gore and the entire Democratic ticket. . .Your emergency contribution of $25, $50 or even $100 can make a big difference in winning the victory Americans need and deserve."
George Bush's letter is dated "Wednesday Morning" and asks me to support Fred Meyer, chairman of the Republican National Committee Victory 2000 Issues Survey. Fred would like $1,000 but "if you can send $35, that would be great too". Fred flatters that "you are among the first people in your area" to receive this.
The bottom line is that "Bill Clinton and his anointed successor, Al Gore, believe they can hide their true big-government liberalism behind America's economic prosperity."
George says that "if you'll give Fred the kind of support you have given me (sic), the result will be the election of Republicans who will provide new leadership".
I got another "Wednesday Morning" letter from Congressman Lindsey Graham from South Carolina who was one of the "managers" who led the impeachment against Bill Clinton. Lindsey says "you are one of a carefully selected group of conservative Republican activists".
Lindsey asks for $68, "just one dollar for each of the congressional districts targeted by Bill Clinton and his liberal allies. . . Let's put an end to the Clinton era once for all and let's protect those 68 Republicans who voted their conscience on Impeachment."
The letter of Jim Nicholson, chairman of the Republican National Committee, begins "Dear Republican: You are among a select group of Republicans" etc etc, and "your answers will represent the views and opinions of all Republican voters living in your voting district".
After all this begging, it was interesting to read in the Wall Street Journal that "Both major parties are flush as Election nears". The Republican National Committee and my friends Jim Nicholson and Fred Meyer have raised $247 million so far.
The Democratic National Committee for which Pauline Gore is sending out the begging letters have raised only $155 million but this disadvantage "will be mitigated by the record-shattering" fundraising of Democratic congressional committees for the House and Senate which send out their own letters.
Oddly enough, both Gore and Bush are not allowed raise any money for their presidential campaigns because they are getting federal government funding of about $62 million each.
But there are huge loopholes. There are no limits on raising "soft money" by the party committees. This money cannot be used to finance the Gore and Bush campaigns directly but can pay for "issue ads" on TV where you rubbish your opponent's policies as long as you refrain from saying "Vote for Me".
The restriction on direct funding does not apply to non-presidential elections so I could send Hillary the $1,000 Bill has solicited to help her get elected. Unfortunately for her, this cannot be. The small print on the "personal reply to Bill Clinton" says that the Federal Election Campaign Act "prohibits contributions from corporations, national banks, labour unions, government contractors and foreign nationals who are not permitted for permanent residence".
It emerged just yesterday that Hillary "inadvertently" transferred names of people invited to "White House holiday parties", including some journalists, to a political supporters' list to solicit funds. Her spokesman said: "This happened once - it should not have happened - and it will not happen again."
I suppose that means I'm off Hillary's party list as well. And to add insult, the spokesman said that "other than signing the letter, the President had no involvement in the solicitation and did not know about the transfer of names". Hillary only got five donations for $225 from the White House invitees and that is being returned. Now she and Bill will know I did not give them anything and am one of those that just turn up for the parties.
But say Bush wins? He likes parties.