I bought a suit in a Hong Kong draper's shop at the weekend. "You bought a suit!" cried a financial analyst as he had lunch in his apartment overlooking the sea. "That will probably show up in the April trade figures."
That's how bad things are in Hong Kong's retail and tourism market, as it is battered by the Asia-wide depression. After a surge of visitors in the first half of last year, people stopped coming and by the end of December the statistics showed that 1.3 million fewer people visited the former British colony.
The big spenders are staying at home as neighbouring economies crumble. The number of South Koreans coming to Hong Kong this year is down 74 per cent and Japanese visitors are down 64 per cent, according to a survey published at the weekend, and retail sales plunged 26 per cent in February alone. The Hong Kong airline, Cathay Pacific, carried one in 10 fewer passengers last month, compared to a year ago.
In desperation the Hong Kong Tourist Board is initiating a campaign to attract new breeds of international spenders, like the New Russians, the free-spending, Mafia types who inspire anecdotes such as the following:
First New Russian: "How much did you pay for that Rolex?"
Second New Russian: "Five thousand dollars."
First New Russian: "You fool. I know where you can get one for six thousand."
The tourist board spokesman, Mr Peter Randall, said: "Russia at the moment is just a few thousand visitors but there is potential." The board is also launching a television campaign to attract people to the "City of Life".
In fact, it is a good time to go shopping in this capitalist enclave of China. Retailers will give discount just to maintain turnover, and I got a handsome reduction on the threads.
An acquaintance went into a jewellers shop to buy a black pearl, was treated like a celebrity, given an armchair and a cup of tea, and was allowed to bargain the price down to a quarter of the mark-up value.
A five-star hotel manager told me that "business was terrible and getting worse", which means that room rates, usually £250 to £300 a night, can be negotiated down in most top hotels. Hong Kong residents are even being offered rooms almost free in some hotels just to keep business turning over.
The government is also starting a "Be a Good Host" campaign to counter traditional rudeness. An editorial in yesterday's Hong Kong Standard commented on how the slump had made shopping more pleasant as it had encouraged a noticeable improvement in sales manners, particularly in stores patronised by tourists.
"The years of prosperity have seriously corroded our traditional amiability," it said. "In its stead emerged a monstrous attitude which included threatening unsuspecting customers with physical assault unless they opened their chequebooks."
It cited the recent case of a shop-owner who was sentenced to four months in prison for bashing a woman tourist who decided not to make a purchase after he tried to bully her into buying a more expensive item.
Partly because of stores going out of business, the jobless rate has risen from 2.9 per cent to 3.5 per cent in the last three months, the steepest rise in 20 years.
Prices remain high compared to its neighbours, Malaysia, Indonesia and Thailand, because the Hong Kong dollar is pegged to the US dollar and is likely to remain so for a long time. It will not fall unless China devalues the yuan, which it has promised not to do in the interests of regional stability.
So what more has Hong Kong to endure? Since the handover to China last July first, it has suffered not just from the Asia meltdown but from deluge and pestilence, record rains and chicken flu, cholera and red tides.
The big news this week is that duck - a favourite with the Cantonese but guilty of importing the bird flu - appeared back on restaurant tables on Thursday evening for the first time since December.
The bad news is that shellfish and beef may have to come off the menu this week. Yesterday morning the South China Morning Post splashed a story headlined, "Don't eat shellfish - warning", after the Health Department discovered that the deadly species, alexandrium excavatum, which can attack the spinal nerve, was found in seafood samples at three Hong Kong beaches, following the toxic red tide which killed millions of fish two weeks ago. (People have already gone off eating fish.)
The Standard matched this with a front-page banner "Danger alert on tainted beef" over a story about meat being contaminated in an abattoir with the E-coli bacteria.
Perhaps the Hong Kong authorities should start advertising for tourists in vegetarian magazines. Meanwhile, if you are thinking of a visit, better bring a packed lunch.