TIME OUT:EACH CULTURE has its own rites of passage for young people. Ireland has Irish college. A month in the Gaeltacht away from home is more than an educational experience. Irish college is an important life-cycle transition.
Ask any adult who ever went to Irish college and their memories will not be bland. They will have loved it or hated it. They will remember having been homesick beyond endurance or they will recall that they revelled in this legitimate escape from parental vigilance and the experience of being alone away from home. They will have fallen in or out of love and expressed it according to their time.
They will have sent emergency messages to parents for money, food, extra clothes or heart-wrenching communications begging to be brought home. And those who suffered homesickness will remember the experience with an emotional intensity as if it was yesterday, because of the power, depth and complexity of this experience, especially when children go away from home alone for the first time.
Homesickness can take many forms from initial unfamiliarity in new surroundings to intense pining, serious insecurity, adjustment disorder, acute anxiety and panic to get home. Acute persistent homesickness is a nightmare for the anxious student and the parents tortured about the right way to respond.
Should they rescue immediately or allow their child’s adaptability and resilience to kick in? If they wait, will all be reversed and their child feel empowered by overcoming the fear?
Or is it serious, which if ignored will embarrass, alarm and damage the young person psychologically? What if parents drive 200 miles only to find the child has settled in the interim? Or drive home with a child who expresses a wish to return to college the next day?
What can be done? There are a number of interventions that can be considered.
Homesickness is helped if it is acknowledged that it is normal in new surroundings to feel a bit anxious and unsettled in the first few days. It helps students to know as much as possible in advance about where they are going, in which house they will be staying and if they can see pictures or take a virtual tour beforehand. It helps if they have at least one good friend with them there.
Packing belongings that will create a personal space, such as a pillowcase or duvet cover that replicates aspects of their personal space at home, is reassuring. Having everything needed for a holiday helps: enough money to feel secure, enough clothes, togs, sportswear, appropriate medical kit of plasters, sun creams, eye drops and lotions so that there is a sense of control over minor ailments and irritants.
Phone credit is important, although students and parents need to decide whether contact eases or prolongs homesickness.
Separation anxiety mimics homesickness and can arise if there has been illness, separation, divorce, bereavement or other family losses that make students fear that there could be further loss while they are away from home. Worry about parental safety can cause anxiety and students who are in Irish college while their parents are on holiday abroad can feel more vulnerable if the home is entirely vacated and unavailable to return to if needed.
Discussions in advance and attentive, sympathetic listening when a student expresses fear of homesickness, rather than trying to convince the student that their emotions are unfounded, is helpful. With calm reassurance and acceptance of emotions rather than didactic solutions, many students cope better than expected and retain important memories of their visit.
They remember the way of life, the beauty of Gaeltacht areas, living differently and the thrill of walking to the céilí each night, who they danced with and the stirrings of first interest and first love. They remember it forever because preparation for homesickness and support when it happens becomes another memory of parental love.
Marie Murray is a clinical psychologist and author. Her new book, When Times are Tough,is published by Veritas.