DÁIL SKETCH:Fine words yesterday morning in the Dáil restaurant, writes Miriam Lord
"All elected representatives must lead by example," declared Senator Terry Leyden, as his fellow parliamentarians chewed along in agreement.
Oh, yes. Lead by example.
Shorter breaks between Dáil terms might be an idea - our TDs don't return to Leinster House after Christmas until January 27th.
Or they might consider a reduction in the number of junior ministers. What do all those people do? How about restricting the use of State cars to official business? Only important stuff, like collecting the Christmas turkey and bringing the dog to the vet.
Or they could put an end to unvouched expenses and top-up payments for service above and beyond the call of duty, such as turning up for work.
Egged (and rashered) on by Leyden, our elected representatives thundered down the corridor towards the restaurant yesterday, eager to lead by example.
And how were they going to do that?
By none of the above, for a start. They decided to set an example by wolfing down a big free feed of sausages and bacon and puddin' and hash browns and beans and tomatoes and mushrooms and toast.
In the national interest.
Leyden deemed the occasion worthy of wearing a Christmas tie. It played Jingle Bells when you pressed the end of it. He also deemed it worthy of a press release.
"All elected representatives must lead by example and this is an opportunity to showcase the quality produce of Irish pig farmers, and to show the country, and other countries, that after swift action by the Government, the Irish pork and bacon industry is again producing high-quality, safe and healthy food."
Let it go forth that Leinster House is not afraid to eat pork! Not since 1990, when Britain's agriculture minister John Gummer fed his daughter a beefburger in front of the cameras, has such a selfless act of culinary bravery been witnessed in the world of politics.
Senators and TDs didn't hold back yesterday morning, as they toasted the rasher's return with pots of steamin' tay and piles of homegrown puddin'.
The admirable determination of our elected representatives to lead the way in the consumption of pork products was a fine example of public service in action.
It bolstered the spirits in these uncertain times and kept everyone going until lunch,
when spiced beef was on the menu.
Back to Leyden's press release: "The cross-party event was the first full Irish breakfast with Irish sausages, bacon, and black and white pudding served in Leinster House since the recent problems in the industry, and aims to contribute to its revival."
Sure it was worse than the Emergency in Leinster House last week.
Grown TDs wept openly at the rasher's return.
(Except for Senator David Norris, who took loud and grave offence at the presence of beans on his plate - "A British Abomination!")
Leaders' Questions in the afternoon was a dull affair.
It couldn't compete with the unconfined joy in the restaurant. However, there was a frisson of excitement when "The Human Shield" hurtled in.
For it was Minister for Europe Dick Roche, fresh from his kidnap ordeal at a hotel in Wicklow on Monday.
Despite having had a gun stuck in his back, Dick appeared in remarkably good form, thanks to the curative properties of limelight.
He ambled into the chamber, smiling broadly.
Micheál Martin, his senior Minister, turned and shook his hand. Then the two of them left.
Rumour is rife in Leinster House that, while the Wicklow robbers locked their captives at gunpoint into a strongroom, only the Minister of State was gagged.
Something the Opposition, and some of his own party colleagues, have never managed to achieve.