DÁIL SKETCH:MINISTER OF STATE Peter Power went on Questions and Answerson Monday night and did his level best to put the fear of God into the populace.
Sent out to bat by the two Brians on why they moved so quickly to afford our distressed bankers a blanket guarantee, Peter was not found wanting.
We were "staring into an abyss," he intoned gravely. "The barbarians were at the gates." This had been about averting an apocalypse. Oh, for those innocent days when we thought uncharted waters were scary.
Despite Peter's best efforts, he didn't manage to spook, or embarrass, the Labour Party into silence.
Eamon Gilmore continued asking awkward questions. The longer the Government delays outlining their rescue scheme for the banks, the better Labour looks for refusing to vote for it.
Left on their own after Fine Gael and Sinn Féin supported the Government, members have been stung by Fianna Fáil whispers that their actions were unpatriotic.
North Dublin's Michael Kennedy came right out and said it on the day after the vote: "Labour should have donned the green jersey." The party has been at pains since then to stress their desire - if only their genuine reservations could be addressed - to answer Ireland's call.
"The position now is, a week after the legislation was produced, we're still unclear as to what was guaranteed," Eamon Gilmore said in exasperation.
"This is not helpful and I am becoming concerned by the delay in bringing forward the scheme, because this delay is creating a degree of uncertainty again about what is happening in the banking world." The Labour leader then introduced a new phrase into our growing lexicon of economic intercourse.
"Dated subordinated debts."
Eamon, mercifully, explained what he was on about. Dated subordinated debt describes high-risk loans advanced by very rich individuals to banks, at a huge rate of interest. The bottom line is that these "high net individuals" get huge returns because they lose their money if anything goes wrong.
Belly up, money gone. Except that after the Government's blanket guarantee, their cash is now fireproofed. But, happy days, they are still entitled to their enormous rate of interest.
What's the story there? Brian Cowen reverted to his stock fallback position. "This is an evolving situation." Then he launched into a long, bewildering explanation.
"Priority to ensure the scheme will be laid before the House as soon as possible . . . important to take steps to guard against any undue distortions of financial flows . . . concerns addressed through the implementing measures currently being drafted, which will provide for controls and quantitative balance sheet controls." Eyes glazed over in the chamber. Heads lolled. Tumbleweed rolled past the Ceann Comhairle's chair. "This is the up-to-date position." Labour's Emmet Stagg was first to regain consciousness. "What about the question?" he roared.
"I'm answering it," snapped Biffo.
Emmet's patience - brittle at the best of times - snapped.
"I thought the last taoiseach was a waffler, but you're worse!"
Even the FF backbenchers sniggered, but Biffo was not amused. How could Emmet be so "blasé" given what the country is going through? It was unacceptable. If he had bosoms, they would have been heaving.
Eamon Gilmore pressed on with his concerns. He wanted to know who was advising the Taoiseach as he continued to finalise details of the guarantee.
"On the advice of those from whom we should take advice."
Volleys of snorts rose from the Opposition benches. "Bankers!"
Yes, bankers, and the Central Bank and the regulatory authorities, the Taoiseach repeated. "Appropriate authorities." "Bankers," came the shouts again. "In the meantime, we appear to have some kind of open-ended unqualified guarantee for the banks," persisted Eamon.
In the absence of details of the rescue package, the Labour leader was able to open up doubts about what exactly the Government will agree to with the banks.
This made Brian Cowen more cranky as the morning wore on.
His reasonable assertion is that the Government can't reveal its hand until all risks to the public purse have been examined and closed off, while still ensuring the banks' position is strengthened.
It led to a rather bad-tempered exchange between the Taoiseach and Enda Kenny later in the morning on, of all things, his visit to the Heineken Cup final in Wales.
Brian can't be dealing with such frivolity when there's an economic crisis in full swing and relevant authorities to be consulted.
