Under the Microscope/Christmas crackers: The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he shouted. Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's much better than Clyde!"
A reindeer walked into a bar and ordered a Martini. The bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the €20 from the reindeer's hoof. As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here." The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these bloody prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."
A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mummy," she said, "can we leave now?" "No," her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" exclaimed the girl. "Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush," said her mother. After about 60 seconds, the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes," the little girl replied. "How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?" her mother asked. "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the Sick'."
Christmas numbers:the date of Jesus's birth The Bible does not give the date of Jesus's birth. Shepherds "keeping watch over their flock by night" [ Luke 2:8] suggests the birth may have occurred in spring during lambing when shepherds watch their flocks day and night. Church leaders decided early in the fourth century that a Christian celebration was needed to rival popular celebrations of the winter solstice around December 22nd and they chose December 25th as the date of Christ's birth. But there may also have been a theological reason for picking this date. Chronographers calculated the world was created on the spring equinox (March 21st) and on March 25th, four days later, light was created. Biblical chronographers assumed Jesus's conception would also occur on March 25th, as it signalled the start of a new era. This would date his birth nine months later on December 25th.
Pen at the ready . . .
1 Each letter A, D, I, M, N, O stands for a different digit. What is the value of each to make all of the following equations true? MOM x D = DAD; DAD x A = MIND; D + A + D = 10; M + I + N + D = 15; M + O + M = 5.
2 Fill in the blanks surrounding the letters ICED according to the clues: _ _ I_CED clearly indicated; I_CE_D_ _ _ _ Fiery; _ _ _ICED Joined two tapes; _ _ _ _I_CED Made a believer of; _I_CED Finely Chopped; _ _IC_E_ _ D Ratcheted up; _ _I_C_ED Exchanged.
3 Name these Christmas carols, following the pattern for the first two. The clues are the first letters of the words in the titles of the songs.
1. SCICTT Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. 2. ISMKSC I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. 3. JB. 4. IDOAWC. 5. RTRNR. 6. CROAOF. 7. DYHWIH?
8. AIAM. 9. FTS. 10. OCAYF. 11. ICUAMC. 12. OLTOB. 13. JTTW. 14. SN. 15. LIS. 16. WCIT? 17. TTDOC. 18. GRYMG. 19. HTHAS. 20. WWYAMC.
4 These lines are from which Christmas movies or shows? 1. "Bumbles Bounce?" 2. "When a bell rings an angel gets its wings." 3. "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." 4. "I forged these chains during my life." 5. "They're not twinkling, Clark."
5 Anagrams: Unscramble these Christmas carols 1. Lets thin gin. 2. Jill lens beg. 3. Again wean army. 4. Flee this torn. 5. Oilcloth jolly sands. 6. Fatter hymns swoon.
6 What do these four words have in common? Worth; Fast; Zest; Mouth.
A happy and peaceful Christmas to all readers.
William Reville is associate professor of biochemistry and public awareness of science officer at UCC - understandingscience.ucc.ie